


After the End of the World

by Chichirinoda



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Petstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 22:37:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chichirinoda/pseuds/Chichirinoda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sburb, a new world was created, where humans were the dominant species, and trolls are less numerous, leading to them being subjugated and kept as pets by the elite. Dirk Strider, intern roboticist, discovers a troll in a tank at his new job at Crockercorp, and sets events in motion that will reshape the world for all trolls, forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this with the caveat that while I've got a whole shitload of notes and ideas, and I've written a few chapters, I'm not 100% sure where this is going or if it'll be finished. I like what I've got so far, and the ideas I have, though, so I'm going to try to just relax and pick away at it rather than worrying about it too much.
> 
> I'm also not kidding about the pairings. More to be added most likely before I'm through.

In his dreams, Eridan lived in a world where he trusted science. 

It was a dim world that didn't hurt his eyes, and the water didn't smell of distillation and chemicals. In his dreams, Eridan was a king.

Or, well. Something like that.

Even in his dreams, though, Eridan was alone. So very alone.

~ ~ ~

Dirk's job at the Crocker IT Corp was supposed to be a pretty a sweet deal. The company was a subsidiary of one of the largest corporate conglomerates in the world, and in this job he had access to tools, materials, and software that literally fuelled his masturbatory fantasies.

He had never pictured himself as a corporate bitch, but maybe there was something about the image of being bent over a desk, fondling state of the art tools, that had temporarily overwhelmed his sanity just long enough for him to apply. Anyway, his internship was only for six months, after which he'd get his degree and be a bona fide roboticist. Then, he could offer his skills to less obviously evil overlords. 

If such a thing existed.

He was pretty sure he'd start his own company. It would probably involve porn and robots. Porn, robots, and horses in some combination. He hadn't actually decided on a name, yet. But that day was still far enough in the future that he figured he had time to ruminate on it.

Today, unfortunately, was not that day. Today, he was reporting for his first day of work, walking through the gleaming hallways towards what was supposed to be the robotics laboratory. Today, he was just beginning his servitude to the evil overlords of Crocker Corp.

Today, Dirk was fucking lost.

He was pretty sure he was just on the wrong floor. Robotics was on the sixth floor, but here he could hear yelps and cries, whimpers and barks. This had to be the animal experimentation level, an area of scientific research that Dirk generally tried to pretend didn't exist in order to maintain his sanity. 

Right now he was thinking a bit too hard about the animals behind these walls, and the tortures that they went through on a daily basis, and that made him think equally hard about the collection of awesome anime swords back at his apartment.

But strifing the shit out of the place wasn't on the agenda for today, though the longer he walked the less he could remember why. Until he passed a wide window. And he stopped. And turned.

It was an aquarium, and the lights cast a wavering blue light over the wall opposite as they filtered through the water held back by the thin sheet of glass.

It was the sort of thing that might have made Dirk press his nose to the glass and 'oooh' if he were fifteen years younger than he was. It was sure to hold a magical landscape of rocks and waving green fronds, coral and darting fish. Enough to entertain for hours.

But he wasn't five, he was twenty. He didn't press his nose to the glass, but he did look closer, and discovered that this particular aquarium only contained one creature more highly evolved than a plant or coral. And it was a troll.

The troll floated in the middle of the tank, its webbed feet paddling lazily as it moved in a restless circle, back and forth, back and forth, its eyes staring unblinking and shockingly violet. Its hair streamed back, long and undulating like black fronds of kelp.

Dirk touched the glass of the tank before he had consciously realized he was going to. He didn't knock like an obnoxious ass, but nevertheless the troll seemed to sense his presence. It abruptly stopped swimming and turned, its hair moving in a cloud around its face. It had fins on the sides of its face, which flared comically, showing bright purple webbing between the grey spines.

As it shifted, Dirk saw a brilliant lock of purple hair in amongst the black, like a brightly-coloured fish glimpsed amongst the weeds.

Dirk thought that fish couldn't see outside of aquariums, that the insides of the glass was mirrored because of the water, but to his shock he discovered that he was wrong. Their eyes met, and locked.

Dirk expected the eyes to be like a shark's, staring and blank and inhuman, but as he stared into those amazing violet eyes, he saw intense, immense sadness and pain. And hope.

He'd never actually interacted with a troll before in his life, though he'd seen the odd one being walked out in swanky neighbourhoods, or on TV. They were the kind of exotic pet that only the really rich could afford. They said that trolls were amazingly intelligent, and could even learn a few words. 

He'd fantasized a few times about bringing one home, but it was a pipe dream, like being turned into a centaur, or fucking a gagged and bound Leonardo Di Caprio.

"I thought you trolls were animals," he murmured to himself.

The troll's fins flattened up and back, and its eyes narrowed. Then, with a flick of its arms and feet, it swam behind a large rock in the tank. 

"Fuck," Dirk swore. Had it heard what he said? Had it understood? He pressed his hands to the tank. "Hang on, man. I'm sorry. That was a shitty thing to say."

The troll peeked out from behind the rock, a single violet eye gleaming at him through the water. 

It took just that for Dirk to come to a decision. He smiled at the troll. "I'll be back. I promise."

Then he turned and hurried down the corridor. There had to be an elevator, and it couldn't be much further ahead.

~ ~ ~

turntechGodhead began pestering timaeusTestified

TG: hey bro  
TG: how was your first day at school  
TG: did you remember to bring a shiny apple and leave it on your teachers desk  
TG: what am i kidding  
TG: you probably brought a whole bushel of apples and then displayed your own shiny apples in the very middle spread and waiting for something i probably dont want to think about  
TG: are you hot for teacher  
TG: hot hot hot for teacher  
TG: dirk  
TG: shit are you seriously not home from work yet  
TG: its the middle of the night there what the heck did you actually hook up with someone on your first day  
TG: dont tell me they like puppets

~ ~ ~

This was probably the dumbest thing he'd ever done. But he'd spent time doing a little internet research before he came back, so that had to count for something, right? He knew what he was doing. Sort of.

As the sword shattered the glass and water cascaded down the hall, accompanied by the voices of hundreds of animals already released from their cages, Dirk comforted himself with the certainty that the internet had said that sea trolls could breathe air.

The troll flopped onto the floor, gasping, its gills gaping purple slashes along its ribs and its claws scrabbling desperately on the wet floor. Dirk dropped to his knees beside it, grabbing its thin shoulders, hair snarling around his fingers. His heart pounded. Was the internet wrong?

"Breathe!" he snapped. "You're out of the water. Come on, breathe air."

The troll opened its mouth, showing a double row of needle-like teeth, and drew in a long, shuddering breath. Its gills snapped shut and he breathed, its chest rising and falling as it gasped lungfuls of air, expelling the last of the water from its body.

"I'm getting you out of here," Dirk said. "Come on." 

Nodding jerkily, the troll got to its feet, bare toes curling against the floor. "Where--?"

Holy shit, it could really talk. The word was barely audible, croaking and raspy, but understandable. Dirk kept hold of the troll's hand. It was shaking and its breathing was still ragged. He wasn't sure the troll could walk far on its own, and it was important to get going. The alarms were ringing, and he was sure security would be along any minute.

Boy, this was fucking stupid.

"Follow me," he said, and raced towards the door he'd jimmied and propped open with one of his swords. The troll stumbled after him, slipping and skidding, and jerking from side to side, all long limbs and awkwardness. 

It threw off Dirk's stride, and now he could hear shouting. Hopefully the rampaging animals and the damage he'd done to the aquarium would delay them, but there was no guarantee it would delay them long enough.

"Wait, wait," he said, skidding to a stop. The troll nearly crashed into him, and let out a high keening noise of terror. 

"Hurry!" said the troll.

Dirk crouched down. "Get on my back," he ordered. 

There was a moment of confusion, but then the troll clambered up, curling his legs around Dirk's waist and wrapping his arms around his neck. Dirk hooked his arms under the troll's thighs, straightened up, muscles bunching, and tested his balance. Then he ran on, troll attached like a baby chimp to his mother's back.

He hit the door with a shoulder without slowing down. The troll yelped and hissed, jerking back and temporarily throwing Dirk off-balance. The door was a heavy metal security door, but it opened wide. After regaining his footing, Dirk paused just long enough to grab his sword, eliminating the proof of his presence, then he raced towards the parking lot.

The building did have a night shift, and the parking lot was about half full. That was good, because meant there was some chance that his presence here wouldn't be noticed. 

Unfortunately, Dirk's car was a bubblegum pink Geo Metro hatchback that Dave had bought him a few months before when he landed his first movie deal. It was a hilariously horrible car, barely large enough for Dirk to sit inside without hunching, and he had to push the driver's seat all the way back to fit his legs. He loved it. But it was a little conspicuous. He'd solved the problem by parking in the pool of a bright overhead light, amongst the biggest group of cars. He could only hope no one had noticed it simply because it was so obvious and not trying to hide.

Anyway, he'd only worked for CrIT Co. for one day. No one would know his car, yet, or connect it with him unless they saw him leaving.

As of yet, he didn't see anyone around, thank goodness.

There wasn't a back seat in his car. He opened the back hatch and crouched down again. "Get in and cover up," he said. "Don't let anyone see you."

The troll paused, looking around with fins flat against his neck and quivering. He was visibly shaking, though the night was warm at this time of the summer in Houston. But he obeyed, climbing into the hatch. There was a small collection of brightly-coloured smuppets nested there, and the troll curling up in a ball amongst them. His eyes gleamed out at Dirk as he closed the hatch, lowering the vinyl cover to completely conceal the troll from view.

He jumped into the driver's seat and started the engine. Working hard not to rush, or to do anything suspicious, he pulled out of the spot and rolled towards the outer gate. It was guarded at all hours, and he had had to swipe his card when he arrived. Now he would have to do the same when he left.

Good thing he'd stolen the card of the head of the biological science division as he left at the end of the shift. He didn't mind framing the guy who'd been keeping the troll - and all the other animals - caged up and performing experiments on them. Fuck that.

He paused at the security gate, his heart pounding. He was aware that his clothes were soaking wet, his hair plastered down. All the product had been washed out, and he was sure anyone who knew him would recognize that something was terribly wrong with a single glance. However, he could only hope that the guard at the gate wouldn't realize anything was amiss.

As the guard looked down at him, Dirk crooked a smile at him, pushing up his sunglasses. "Have a good evening," he said in a measured tone, reaching out the open window to swipe the stolen card.

The guard looked back towards the building. "Yeah. G'nite." Then he paused. "Nice car."

"Thanks."

The barrier went up, and Dirk rolled serenely on through, turned onto the street and drove away. He drove three blocks, then gunned it and raced for home as fast as his V-4 engine could take him.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave honestly couldn't think of anything he'd ever done in his life that he regretted more than this. That included the time he let Suzie stick gum in his hair because it would be uncool to try to struggle when it was a girl holding him against the lockers. It included the time he got arrested after streaking at a local baseball tournament when the entire Houston Police Department was in attendance. It included the time he bet Dirk that he could drink more Goldschlager than him, after they'd already split a bottle of cheap wine, and then spent the evening puking into the kitchen sink because Dirk was monopolizing the toilet.

One of his new pals at the studio had invited him to this party - really edgy, really _exclusive_. There'd be an auction. Everyone who's anyone would be there. Don't forget to wear a suit.

Dave had worn a suit - he'd bought a suit with his first infusion of money from the purchase of the movie rights, along with a car for his brother, and the plane tickets and first month's rent for his place in L.A.

Thing was, it wasn't the kind of auction he'd thought it was going to be. It was a pet auction. 

In various cages were an assortment of exotic pets, from the furry to the scaly, to the feathered. Dave had never owned a pet, and had no friggin' clue how to take care of a boa constrictor, or a serval, or a Chinese crested dog, whatever that was. It was an ugly fucking dog, is what. When he arrived, Dave only glanced over some of the offerings before leaving it to people who actually were interested in making a purchase.

And the rest of the party was just plain boring. 

While he tried to ignore the auction going on at one end of the party, he had to listen to pounding music that wasn't even _good_. It wasn't even ironically bad, it was just plain shit. The kind of dance music that people who aren't actually into music think is good dance music. The drinks were okay, but he didn't want to get too friendly with those, because he didn't fancy trying to remember his address when he was sloshed.

The conversation was basically nonexistent, due mostly to the aforementioned shitty music, and also to the excitement of the auction. He spent a dull hour watching people dance, nursing his one drink, and ignoring a few people who tried to get him to take off his sunglasses and dance with them - Dave didn't dance, he _rapped_ , he _mixed_ for parties like this, and he didn't want to look like a fool. 

Finally, he just couldn't take any longer, and drifted back towards the auction. At least he could look at the animals and maybe pet a few of them, but not actually place any offers. It would while away a bit of time, and maybe if he struck up a conversation with a few people he could actually meet someone worth meeting, and the evening wouldn't be a total waste of time. Schmoozing was a skill he was still trying to develop, and it was vitally important in this town.

He looked over the animals, scratched the chin of an iguana and seriously considered taking it home. As he reached the end of a row, he came to a tall, serious-faced man in a suit, holding a leash and a large clipboard. "Interested in placin' a wager, mac?" the man said in a heavy Brooklyn accent.

"No thanks, I--"

Dave's eyes dropped to the other end of the leash automatically, and what he saw there took his breath away. There was a troll sitting on the floor, wearing a ragged t-shirt and a pair of cut-off jeans. He had no shoes, and he sat with his skinny arms wrapped around his knobby knees, scowling at his feet, which were grey and had little yellow claws on the tips of the toes.

Dave had seen a few pictures of trolls, of course, and knew basically what they looked like - grey skin, black hair, pointy horns - but this one seemed to have stunted horns, which weren't even pointed. They barely peeked up over the nest of black curls that capped his head.

"You're selling trolls, too?" Dave asked in surprise, looking up at the auctioneer. 

The man leered at him and jerked the leash. "Not at this auction, unless you want this one. This one's just a conversation starter. If you're interested in _prime_ troll flesh, I can get you an invitation."

Dave stared at the man with utter revulsion, and glanced back down at the troll, who had looked up with dull apathy at the conversation going on above his head. The troll had the most vivid crimson eyes Dave had ever seen. At least, outside of his own mirror.

Those eyes locked at Dave and stared with an expression Dave could only describe as a mixture of wonder and terror.

"How much for this one?" Dave asked, reaching for his pocket. 

"Hey, woah, you don't really want this one, do you?" the man said, nearly dropping his clipboard. "Like I said, I've got better ones. This one's a mutant, not even saleable. We got it on a discount and it's not trained proper. It's basically just for show. I can't sell you this one, man. We don't give refunds if you get your fuckin' face ripped off."

Dave took a step closer and got in his face. "I said, how much? If he's so shitty, then I'm sure I'll get a good deal, right?"

Even after dickering for nearly fifteen minutes, he didn't have anything close enough enough cash to make the transaction, so he gave him everything he had on him, except for fifty bucks cab fare, and wrote a cheque for the difference. The guy hummed and hawed and checked his driver's license and peered at Dave, and made him take his glasses off, which pretty much took care of any question of Dave's identity - how many driver's licenses listed the eye colour as 'crimson' anyway? Not many.

Finally Dave took the troll by the leash and headed straight for the door. He wanted about a thousand drinks, but he didn't want to stay here at this horrible party one more minute. He especially didn't want to think about the other kind of auction the man had offered him an invitation to. What kind of sick fucks was he hanging around with, anyway?

He was so pissed off that he got nearly all the way back to his apartment before he thought to say a word to his new charge.

The troll hunched on the seat, watching Dave's face from under his mop of curls like he had never seen anything so interesting. And so likely to do something horrifying at any moment.

Dave glanced over at him, trying to stay casual. The leash was attached to a thick leather collar, buckled on. Even from here, Dave could see the marks where the leather had rubbed nearly deep enough to bleed. For all that the salesman had warned him that the troll was violent or whatever, he didn't seem violent at all. He seemed lost and terrified.

In fact, the moment Dave's attention fell on him, the troll was looking everywhere but at Dave. Dave smiled slightly, maintaining his mask of cool, but with a little uptick at the corners of his mouth. "Can you talk?" he asked, softly. 

The taxi driver hadn't been sure he allowed trolls, but had reluctantly let him into the car. He didn't want to attract a lot of attention. Or wind up getting charged a double fare for two people. He was strapped at the moment.

The troll's head jerked, crimson eyes fixing on him and narrowed in a glare. The troll opened his mouth, and Dave got his first glimpse of the sharp teeth - no fangs, but still wicked sharp-looking - as they were bared at him. The troll looked almost as if he were going to berate him, but then he sagged a bit and hunched in on himself, saying nothing.

What was that all about? Dave glanced towards the taxi driver again, then slumped back in his seat. "Okay, man. We can talk later," he said casually. "I'm in no rush."

He patted the troll on the arm, and the troll jerked away, all but plastering himself against the door. Dave thought of the leer on the salesman's face and winced, withdrawing his hand. "Sorry."

He could feel the wary eyes of the troll burning into him the whole rest of the way home, but he pretended not to notice.

~ ~ ~

timaeusTestified started pestering turntechGodhead

TT: Oh hey, I just got home.  
TT: Oh, you're offline now.  
TT: Ah well, I'll have to regale you with the tales of my exploits later.  
TT: Unfortunately, including the fact that I might be unemployed now, bro.  
TT: Later.

timaeusTestified ceased pestering turntechGodhead

~ ~ ~

Dave noticed his computer chat client flashing as he entered the apartment, the nameless troll on his heels, but decided that his brother or whoever it was pestering him, could definitely wait. He had shit to do, yo.

He'd half expected him to bolt the moment he opened the taxi door, or on their way up to the front door of Dave's building, but the troll had followed him silently and obediently, though Dave only held the leash in a desultory fashion, just for appearances sake in case someone saw them.

When the door closed, Dave gestured to the troll. "Here, come on." He resisted the urge to whistle.

The troll glared at him suspiciously, but edged nearer, then pulled away sharply when Dave reached for him.

"Sheesh, calm down," Dave said, then struggled to pitch his voice more soothingly. "I'm pretty sure you understand me, so listen. I'm just going to take off the collar, let you get more comfortable. All right?"

The troll shifted from foot to foot, then finally made his first noise. "All right," he said, grimacing, and scooted closer again. Dave reached around and unbuckled the collar, tossing it aside. The troll rubbed his throat, glaring at the collar, then looked up at Dave again in a watchful, expectant manner.

"Better?" Dave asked, keeping his face impassive.

"I guess," the troll said grudgingly. 

What the hell was he going to do with this guy? Dave's apartment was a studio, so all his worldly possessions - or rather, about 20% of his worldly possessions, since he had left most of them behind in Houston - were all out for anyone to see. He had a couple of animals-in-plastic (since animals in jars didn't travel well) placed on shelves, and his mixing board and sound system were set up up on the loft. The bed was a futon couch, currently in couch mode, on the main floor in front of the TV, and the kitchen took up one corner. The whole place was open and airy, just a railing separating the loft from the rest of the apartment, and a whole wall of windows looked out on the Los Angeles cityscape.

It had seemed huge and spacious for one guy who probably wasn't going to spend that much time here. But with a troll living with him, hell, he couldn't even offer the guy his own room.

He plunked himself down on the sofa, deciding that a little space was probably what both of them needed most. "So, now that you've apparently regrown your larynx, you gonna tell me your name?" he asked. 

The troll walked around the room, examining things without touching them. He looked so small, having a stocky body and short limbs, dressed in overlarge clothing that hung loose on his body. Though Dave was trying not to seem obvious about it, he couldn't keep his eyes off the little troll. There was just something so endearingly familiar about him, though he couldn't imagine what it might be.

Finally the troll looked around at him. "Karkat Vantas," he hissed, looking mutinous.

"Nice to meet you, Karkat. I'm Dave Strider," Dave said, pushing his glasses up with a finger.

"Yeah." Karkat looked away and picked up a scorpion trapped in a large chunk of plastic. It was shitty and gross and cool. Dave struggled not to tell him not to break it. Karkat's fingers had little cuts all over them, and his claws had been filed to the quick. It was so desperately sad.

"I'm gonna watch a movie," Dave said conversationally. "You want to--"

"What are you going to do with me?" Karkat asked suddenly, looking up and gripping the scorpion tight. "Sell me? Fuck me? Breed me to some other troll?"

Dave gazed at him for a long moment, then shrugged. "Whatever you want, dude. That's all."

Karkat stared at him uncomprehendingly, and Dave smirked. "Want to watch a movie?"

The troll took two steps towards him and stopped. "What kind of movie?" he asked suspiciously.

"I dunno." Dave waved at the TV. "I've got pay per view. You pick."

To his shock and deep amusement, Karkat chose _Ghosts of Girlfriends Past_. Dave threw popcorn at the screen and made fun of Matthew McConaughey until Karkat completely lost it and screamed obscenities at him, tangled with a long diatribe about the genius of the romantic comedy genre in general and this movie in particular.

By the time the movie finished, Karkat was passed out against the side of the futon, snoring softly and still holding the remote clutched in his stubby fingers as if it would take death or a crowbar to remove it.

Dave didn't have the heart to disturb him. He looked so exhausted and pale, even with the grey of his skin. He grabbed a blanket out of the closet and made himself a nest of pillows on the floor, switched off the TV manually, then curled up for a fitful sleep of his own.


	3. Chapter 3

When he pulled into his parking spot in the underground lot of his building, Dirk let out a breath that he was pretty sure he had been holding since he left CrIT Co. He was feeling a little dizzy, but he felt more alive than he had since he decided to take the internship. There was just something about the company that had made him feel dirty, but he'd fallen prey to temptation. Now he thought he knew why he'd felt defiled just by signing those employment papers. And not even in a good way.

He got out of the car and moved around to the hatch, opening it up. The troll stared at him from the pile of smuppets, eyes gleaming distrustfully.

"Hey squirt," Dirk said, and held out a hand to help him up. 

The troll huddled deeper into the trunk, baring its teeth. Nice. He loved to see such beautiful gratitude.

He stuck both hands in his pockets for now. "Look, I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but you're just going to have to for now. You're a loose troll in the middle of a city I bet you're not too familiar with. If you go out there, you'll get picked up by animal control and fuck knows what'll happen next. So all I'm proposing is that you come with me up to my apartment and we can decide what to do with you from there." He paused. He was starting to do the Strider babble thing a bit, and this was definitely the most he'd said to the troll so far. Sure, it had the trick of a couple of words, but how much could it really comprehend? Dirk arched an eyebrow. "Do you understand me?"

The troll was silent for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah." Then it crawled towards Dirk, accepting a hand out. Its horns were swept back like little lightning bolts, but its hair was so long and curly that they were nearly hidden. His body was grey and the gills on its sides were like little purple mouths. Though it was completely naked, it was built like a ken doll - no nipples or genitalia visible. Dirk wondered what was up with that. The trolls he'd seen in porn videos sure had something going on down there. A whole lot of something.

No matter. No really, it _didn't_ matter. He might have a kink for pony play and furry porn, but that didn't mean he'd fuck a real animal that couldn't say no.

He nodded and smiled encouragingly at the troll. "Come on. Better get upstairs before someone sees us."

At the troll's stiff nod, Dirk turned towards the elevator, listening as the troll's webbed feet padded on the concrete behind.

Once in the elevator, the troll huddled in the corner the whole way up, glowering at Dirk, who stared at the numbers counting upwards above the doors, and willed the elevator to keep going. He wasn't sure what his neighbours would think of a naked troll, not even on a leash, in his elevator. He wasn't even sure what the rules were about pet ownership in this building. He doubted that trolls would fall under the same category as a cat or small dog.

Shit, did it need to be walked?

Thankfully, the elevator rose all the way to the top floor without stopping. His mind was spinning with the million things he hadn't even considered before heading off on his crazy mission to liberate the troll, but luckily they didn't see a single person as they walked from the elevator to his door. 

As he stepped inside, he kicked a couple of stray smuppets aside and looked around, grimacing. There were dirty dishes in the sink, dirty laundry draped over various surfaces. When it was just him and Dave, he had been cleaner than this - even if there had been a lot of clutter, it hadn't been _filthy_. But for some reason, in the weeks leading up to this job he had really let things go, and he hadn't really noticed. 

Now he felt like he was returning home with a fresh perspective - with a guest, and he felt embarrassed by the state of it.

"Uh, just a second," he said, quickly moving to grab a dirty t-shirt that he'd left draped over the futon sofa. He gathered up anything that came to hand, shoving things out of the way and carrying a load of dirty laundry into the bedroom to pile into the laundry basket - which he unearthed from under a pile of washed towels.

He trotted back out to his living room and stopped dead, his whirlwind cleaning forgotten for the moment.

The troll stood in the middle of the room, hugging himself and looking around, looking so forlorn that Dirk's heart broke into a million pieces. Its hair fell in curls around its face, nearly obscuring the droop of its facial fins.

"Hey," Dirk said gently. The troll's head jerked up and purple eyes widened. It looked like it expected Dirk to do something terrible at any moment, and Dirk lifted his hands, turning them palms up. "It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, all right?"

Maybe cleaning could wait. He looked around, then sat down right where he was on the floor, crossing his legs. Maybe the troll would feel better if it was looking down on Dirk. "My name's Dirk Strider." Dirk paused. "Do you have a name?"

The troll hesitated, but drew itself up a little. Apparently Dirk's strategy was working, it definitely seemed to be relaxing. And finally, it spoke its longest sentence yet. "My name's Eridan. Eridan Ampora." 

Instantly, Dirk changed his mind about a lot of things about the troll. The voice was undeniably male, though Dirk had heard deeper voices. So the troll was a boy, after all, not an "it".

He really liked that voice, too. It was melodic, and had an interesting lilt, like a foreign accent Dirk had never heard before. 

Dirk smiled faintly, tilting his head slightly to look at Eridan through his sunglasses. "Nice to meet you, Eridan. And I'm glad I don't have to name you. You'd probably be called Finface McGee or something by the end of the week because I wouldn't be able to think of anything cooler."

Eridan's face folded in a confused scowl. "Wwell, don't forget my name, then. I wwon't like it if you do."

That statement took Dirk aback, and he laughed, causing the troll's face to grow thunderous. Apparently he didn't like being mocked, and Dirk did his best to smooth out his expression. Gosh, that accent was cute. It made Dirk want to pinch his earfins.

"Seriously, the chance is zero-percent that I'll forget your name. Eridan Ampora it is." He paused, the reality of the situation asserting itself. Eridan was clearly not just a smart animal, he was actually intelligent, and that meant Dirk really couldn't just treat him like a pet.

He got to his feet, noting that Eridan immediately seemed to shrink. The troll was of a height with Dirk, but seemed shorter with the way he hunched into himself. He was just going to have to be gentle. "How about a tour?" he asked. "It's not a big place, but it's yours for now. Mi casa es su casa."

Eridan's expression flickered with confusion, but he nodded. "Sure, a tour. Yeah. Okay."

Dirk nodded in return, then spread his arms wide. "Well, this is the living room. The futon, my gaming consoles, and there's my kitchen over there. If you can find food, you're welcome to eat it. Uh...I'll make sure to google what trolls eat, and stock that kind of grub."

"I can just eat wwhatevver I wwant?" Eridan asked hastily, then flushed purple. 

"You hungry?" Dirk asked, but Eridan only pursed his lips and looked down.

Tough nut, this one. He seemed both desperate for help and unable to trust him in turn. 

"Well, I'm hungry. I'll rustle up something in a minute," Dirk said, turning away and heading down the hall. He could hear the patter of little webbed feet on the carpet, and knew that Eridan was following him. He pointed out his own bedroom, and Dave's, and the bathroom they had shared. 

Dave no longer lived here, and the room had been turned into a sort of office for Dirk. There was a computer, and a bed, with a webcam aimed at it, but the room was mostly empty of personal effects, though there were a few pictures Dave had drawn on the walls, sticky tacked without frames right to the wall. They had been strategically placed so that the webcam couldn't capture them.

He paused in the doorway to Dave's room. "You can sleep in here," he informed the troll, offering him a faint smile. "And here's the bathroom over here. If you want to wash up, I'll get some food organized. All right?"

Eridan stared into the room as if he had never seen anything quite so wonderful in his whole life, and yet, there was an odd air of disappointment about him as well. He turned to Dirk once more and nodded. "All right."

Dirk headed into the kitchen and started searching desperately for something to eat. What did trolls eat? He didn't have many options anyway, so he threw a couple of slices of pizza in the microwave and nuked the shit out of them. Hopefully they weren't allergic to dairy or anything like that.

As the microwave beeped, Dirk heard the shower start up. Well, the troll wasn't completely helpless after all. He knew - or had figured out - how to turn on the shower. A fine mist of steam issued from the hall.

Dirk chewed on his pizza, as the second portion cooled on a plate. 

By the time Eridan finally emerged from the bathroom after ablutions that put even Dirk's legendary showers to shame, the pizza was totally ice cold, the cheese congealed and the crust going hard. Dirk had had time to do a shitload of research about troll diet and concluded that the pizza wouldn't kill him, though after how long it had sat out, he wasn't sure about that particular slice.

The troll had obviously gotten into Dirk's hair gel, and he'd also found himself a pair of scissors. He had cut off a lot of that snarl of hair, and slicked the rest back in such a way as to show off that adorable shock of purple hair in the front. 

The hairstyle was actually a bit similar to Dirk's usual 'do, though more Evil Scientist and less Anime Hero, and it made Dirk hyper-aware of his own discheveled state. He had had time to finish cleaning up the apartment, but with the bathroom in use, he couldn't so much as brush his hair, and it had probably dried looking pretty stupid. The troll had also wrapped one of their bright rainbow-coloured towels around his hips. Apparently trolls did have modesty.

Dirk had gotten so bored that he'd started up a movie - not one of the pornographic ones. Brightly coloured ponies frolicked on the screen, and he hit a button, freezing them in mid-cute. Then he sat up and smiled at Eridan. "Hey, sport. Feeling better? Is there any hot water left for me?"

"I didn't use much a the hot wwater," Eridan said archly, his fins pricking up slightly. Then his fins drooped again and he nodded. "I'm feelin' a bit better."

"Good." Dirk got to his feet and picked up the plate of pizza. "I laid out some clothes for you in your room. You want me to nuke this for you? It's stone cold by n--"

Eridan took the plate and had taken a huge bite before Dirk had even finished his sentence. He chewed, needle-like teeth flashing, and swallowed. "Nuke?"

"Never mind," Dirk said, flopping back down onto the futon. "I'll show you the magic of microwave ovens some other time."

A few slurping sounds was his answer, and then a clatter as Eridan put down the plate. 

There was a pause as Eridan left the room and returned. Dirk watched his show, pretending not to notice as he re-emerged, looking adorable in an over-sized t-shirt with a carebears logo on it, and a pair of Dave's old boxers, covered in hearts.

Finally, Eridan's face entered Dirk's line of vision. He was chewing on his lower lip. "Um..."

Dirk arched an eyebrow, maintaining his best poker face. "Hmm?"

"Wwhat are you wwatchin'?"

Dirk smiled and sat up, patting the spot beside him. "Join me and find out."

Eridan hesitated, then sat down on the futon next to Dirk. With a warm feeling of satisfaction, Dirk unpaused the movie, and they both settled in to watch.

After about fifteen minutes, Eridan stirred. "This is fuckin' stupid."

Dirk snorted. "Say that again, and you and I are going to have a problem."

~ ~ ~

turntechGodhead began pestering timaeusTestified

TG: are you shitting me?  
TG: you got shitcanned?  
TT: Inaccurate as well as repetitive, Dave.  
TG: fuck youre right  
TG: ill lay off the explosive diarrhea for a sec and listen  
TG: just pull up a sofa lay it on me bro  
TG: so what happened  
TG: were they mean to you  
TG: did you quit in a fire of rage over some inappropriate shenanigans  
TT: Technically, yes.  
TT: I quit over inappropriate shenanigans.  
TG: score  
TG: dont stop there  
TG: i want the deets as the kiddies say on the friendsbook  
TT: Basically, I went PETA on their ass.  
TG: what  
TG: bro, im disappointed  
TG: peta are assholes  
TG: they drown kittens and kick puppies and stuff  
TT: Okay, well, less domestic terrorism and assholery, and more friends of the animals.  
TT: With a side of domestic terrorism.  
TT: And I find myself the current owner of a sea troll who's probably got problems I can't even predict, given that I rescued him from a laboratory.  
TG: hang on what the fuck you have a troll  
TT: Please hold, I think he's coming.

~ ~ ~

Dirk looked up at the tiny creak of the door. His room was dark and he was texting with his brother on his cellphone, tapping away on the touch screen with his pillow mostly shielding the light from the screen from being seen from the hallway.

When he turned his head, he caught a glimpse of a single violet eye, glowing faintly like a cat's, before it disappeared.

"Hey wait!" he called out, dropping the phone and pushing up. If it weren't for the hinges on that door, left unoiled for years specifically so Dave couldn't sneak up on him when he was camming or masturbating and wind up getting scarred for life, Dirk might never have realized the troll was lurking outside his door.

At the call, the eye was back, staring at him for a few seconds unblinkingly before the troll very lightly pushed the door open. It opened with a creak like a dungeon gate, revealing Eridan standing uncertainly in the hall, wearing the too-large shirt and boxes. Though he was tall and skinny, and Dirk could see a hint of something almost regal in his bearing, he looked utterly vulnerable and adorable right now, hunched in on himself and chewing his lip to ribbons.

Dirk had this feeling that if he made any sudden moves, the kid might bolt, so he simply shut off his phone's screen and set it aside very carefully, then shifted on the bed to give Eridan his full attention.

"Did you require something?" he asked, his voice low and soothing.

Eridan shuffled his feet. "Nah... nevvermind."

God, his accent. Dirk smiled and gestured. "No, please. You must have wanted something. Spill it, and then I can take care of whatever the problem is, so we can both get some sleep."

Eridan took two steps back. "No, no, it wwas nothin'. I wwas just up gettin' a glass a wwater and then I saww the light. That's all it wwas."

And before Dirk could say a word, the troll was gone, his feet pattering back down the hall to his own room and the door shutting audibly with a thud.

Dirk sighed and shrugged. Maybe it was true, but he doubted it. What a skittish thing he was... but he couldn't really blame him. What kind of interaction had he had with humans in his life? How long would it take him to learn to trust Dirk?

And had he really signed up for life or what? He wasn't even sure what to do with the guy, but he'd heard trolls lived as long as humans, or longer - like parrots or turtles. Some people said theoretically a well-cared-for sea troll could live for centuries, though there were no documented cases. It was said there were ones in the wild that might have lived that long, though.

He recalled Dave's shock and couldn't really blame him. He'd never even kept a plant, before. Or a real pet. He had pony toys and puppets and a robot he'd made once out of radio shack parts. He liked animals, but he'd never kept one, and he and Dave hadn't exactly had a stellar childhood, bouncing through foster homes. He had protected Dave throughout their lives, but Dave was only two years younger than he was - he didn't know how to take care of another creature that really depended on him.

He flopped down and rolled over onto his stomach, pulling his covers up to his neck. What was he even thinking?

Dirk was just drifting off, a comfortable blanket of sleepiness draping itself over his brain, when a tiny creak jolted him back to full awareness. 

He stiffened, but didn't open his eyes, didn't twitch a finger. Someone was opening his door, so cautiously and carefully that it was barely creaking at all as it swung wide. Then the same someone was padding across the carpet towards his bed.

Only the fact that a) he knew it had to be Eridan, and b) his fingers were already wrapped around the hilt of a large knife he kept under his pillow, kept him from going for the intruder's throat. As it was, his fingers tightened, and his heart rate increased as he felt the troll inching closer and closer.

He felt his muscles lock, tensed and ready to defend himself, as Eridan's weight pressed onto the mattress. Was he going to attack? Had Dirk misjudged him so completely? Maybe the reason he'd come earlier was simply to check and see if Dirk was asleep so he could cut his throat without him being able to defend himself. There were certainly enough blades around the apartment.

The troll froze, and for a second, Dirk couldn't breathe. Then he heard a soft glubbing sound, a pop as if Eridan's gills opened and closed, then Eridan settled gingerly onto his side on the bed, on top of the comforter, beside Dirk but not touching him.

Dirk was getting dizzy, and he drew in a breath as shallowly and silently as he could, then let it out slowly. Eridan shifted about a little, curling up and apparently getting comfortable. The troll's breathing was shakey and uneven, and Dirk found his own breathing calming quickly.

Jesus Christ, he just didn't want to be alone?

Smiling, Dirk inched over, wedging himself against the wall. He tried to make it seem natural, and he felt Eridan stretch out and relax beside him. It was only a single bed and there wasn't really room for them both, but Dirk had a feeling if he 'woke up' and said anything to Eridan, the troll would bolt again with some thinly-veiled excuse.

No, best to deal with it and see what came in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning found Dave waking stiff and sore. His right hip felt all bruise from being in contact with the hard floor, and his neck felt like it was permanently quirked to the left. He groaned and stretched, trying to remember the wild party and why he'd wound up passed out on the floor. He didn't remember drinking, and the pounding in his head was more from tight muscles than a hangover.

Hang on, had he really bought a troll?

He opened his eyes and yelled. His vision was filled by a large face, topped by a mop of curls, crimson eyes glaring into his own. Dave scooted across the hardwood, reflexively pushing himself away.

The troll bared his teeth and the face disappeared. Dave swallowed his heart, which was pounding in his throat, and sat up, realizing belatedly that Karkat had just been peering down at him from the sofa. Karkat was huddling on the futon, bare feet drawn up, glowering at Dave over his knees. 

Dave cleared his throat. "Sorry about that. I've got to say, yours isn't the kind of face I usually like to see when I first wake up. More like a face out of my nightmares."

Karkat's eyes narrowed a little. "Rude."

Dave smiled and gave a shrug, getting to his feet. "That's me. You want some breakfast?"

Karkat chewed on his lower lip. "Okay?" There was something so uncertain about him that it thawed Dave a little. 

"Bacon and eggs coming right up. You trolls like meat, right?"

"Yeah, I guess we do." Karkat said, pushing himself up on the futon to watch over the back as Dave moved towards the kitchen. "Unhatched chicken ova and pig slices sound really good."

Dave snagged his sunglasses and slid them over his eyes, looking away and heading into the kitchen. He really had had a dream about Karkat, he was sure, and he was still feeling out of sorts about it. There had been something really weirdly familiar about it, like a long deja vu sensation. All he really remembered, though, was darkness and a feeling of foreboding.

By the time he'd finished cooking a stellar breakfast, the feeling had passed and all but forgotten. Karkat tore into the 'chicken ova and pig slices' like he was starving to death, and maybe he was. Thinking back on the way he had been treated, Dave doubted he'd gotten all the protein a growing troll probably needed. He sure was short and sort of stumpy, even when you didn't look at his nubby little horns.

While Karkat decimated the food, Dave chewed on his own small portion of breakfast - just a bit of toast and a huge mug of coffee, he was incapable of eating protein before noon. His mind kept turning back towards the evening before, and the short conversation he'd had with Dirk as well. 

Did Dirk have a troll, too? That was just too weird a coincidence, and he was still worried about his brother possibly losing his job. But Dirk had never logged back on, so he was going to have to wait and be cool until he could catch him online again.

With Karkat's plate clean, the troll nosed about as if hoping for another slice of bacon hidden somewhere.

"You need any more?" Dave asked. At Karkat's wordless, wary shrug, he picked up the extra slice of buttered toast from his own plate and tossed it in Karkat's direction. Karkat gave the square a deeply suspicious look before biting into it. 

Apparently it passed muster, barely, because Karkat did keep eating it, though the dubious look remained. Apparently bread wasn't nearly as good as pig slices.

"I've got to go to work," Dave said finally, getting up and stretching. "You want me to show you how to use the TV and shit so you can entertain yourself?"

Licking his buttery fingers, Karkat nodded. "I can watch movies?"

"Sure, fill your boots," Dave said, flashing a grin. "Just don't go too heavy on the pay per view, okay? Stick to the prepaid channels."

Half an hour later, Karkat was sitting on the futon, large crimson eyes reflecting the long, long list of channel listings, and Dave had showered and dressed and was looking the part of a movie mogul.

He stepped into his shoes, looking back at the troll sitting contentedly on the futon. "You need anything, call my cell. I've written the number down. And don't leave the apartment, okay? Just raid the fridge if you get hungry."

All he got in return was a grunt, and he sighed, feeling stupid. What was he even doing? He turned and headed out, trying not to feel like he was leaving his child home alone for the first time.

Dirk was going to tease him forever. This whole thing was completely uncool.

~ ~ ~

twinArmageddons started pestering timaeusTestified

TA: hey, that was a nice job.  
TA: you don't know us, but we know you.  
TA: and we know you're the one who pulled that heist at crocker corp.  
TA: we also know that you're a roboticist.  
TT: Who is this?  
TA: oh, you're there.  
TA: names wiill come, but we should talk face two face.  
TA: you won't be able to trace this message, 2o don't bother to try, iif you're interested, stand by for instructions.  
TT: Two?  
TA: fuck off.  
TA: you interested or not?

Dirk pushed away from his computer and glared at it - well, it felt like a glare. There was really just a slight tightening around his lips and a pinch to his eyebrows. 

He had actually sat down at the computer to see if Dave was there - he wasn't, and hadn't logged in since the night before - and to write his resignation letter for Crocker Corp, which he was having a great deal of trouble with. The main problem was coming up with a good reason why he was turning down such a sweet job, that wasn't "you're evil and I hate you and also I stole your troll".

He really needed to get this done, though, before someone started emailing to find out why he wasn't at work.

And then as he was ready to bang his head against the keyboard in frustration, this weirdo started texting him from a blocked IP address.

Whoever this was, they were good. Really good. They had said he couldn't trace the message, and they were right, though he hadn't yet had time to give it a really _thorough_ try.

It was really freaking him out, though. It hadn't even been 24 hours since his 'heist' and already someone had found him? Either this was one of his bosses and that meant he hadn't covered his tracks very well, and he was going to get so fucking arrested, or it was some random asshole and he'd covered his tracks even _worse than that_ , and he was _really_ going to get so fucking arrested.

TT: Okay, first of all I'm not admitting to anything, I don't know about any heist at Crocker Corporation, understand?  
TT: Secondly, you've given me no indication of what I should or should not be interested in.  
TA: yeah, yeah sure, ii hear you.  
TA: look me and a friend are starting up a company and we need talent like yours.  
TA: that's really the most ii can say without meeting you in person, so just stop being a pansy fuck and agree two meet.

A company?

TT: Reading between the lines, you're looking to hire me for a startup robotics corporation.  
TA: something like that.  
TT: Theoretically, I suppose it's within the realm of possibility that I might be interested in something like that.  
TT: But this begs the questions: why me? Why now?  
TT: I'm a lowly intern, albeit at the largest robotics firm in the world.  
TT: I don't even have my degree yet.  
TA: we don't care about degrees, we're looking at other skills.  
TA: can we get two the part where you agree to meet with us?  
TT: Sure.  
TA: really?  
TA: cool.  
TA: okay, meet you at this location in two hours.

Dirk clicked on the link and memorized the google maps location sent by the unknown sender. The connection was terminated with a single final sign-off.

TA: you can bring the troll if you want.

A quiet shuffle alerted Dirk to the approach of 'the troll' and he glanced up to see Eridan entering the room. He'd had another shower nearly as long as the one before, and had apparently raided Dirk's closet for something more acceptable to wear. The slacks were a bit short in the leg and Dirk hadn't even known he owned a striped purple shirt that gaudy. He was really going to have to take Eridan shopping, stat.

"Morning," Dirk said, settling back in his chair and pretending not to notice as Eridan snooped on his screen. This was Eridan's room, after all.

"Wwho are they?" he asked, his fins flicking back comically in a startled-looking expression. "Howw do they knoww you havve me?"

"No fucking clue," Dirk said flatly. He got to his feet. "You want to come?"

Eridan looked dubious. "Do I havve to do anythin' special?"

Dirk looked him over. He looked like a skinny twink with silly fins on his face. "Nothing except back me up, or not get in the way if there's trouble."

To his surprise, Eridan drew himself up. "I wwon't fuckin' get in the wway. You'll be glad to havve me backin' you up. I'm a fighter at heart, an make no mistake about it. I'm a fuckin' _royal_ troll."

Dirk blinked. "Are you?"

Eridan shrank just a bit. "I heard that somewwhere. That trolls havve a hierarchy based on blood, only I'vve nevver met another troll."

He patted Eridan on the shoulder and headed out of the room. "If you're royalty, then I'd better get you some breakfast, and some decent clothes."

Eridan perked up visibly. "Clothes?"

Figures. Clothes took priority even over food. Dirk had a feeling this one was going to be a handful, the more confidence he gained. "Right," he said, grabbing his shoes. "Shopping it is. We'll grab food at the food court. We've got just enough time to get you an outfit that actually fits before we have to make our date, if you don't act like a princess about it."

"I'm not a fuckin' princess!" Eridan protested, trotting after him with fins flared irritably.


	5. Chapter 5

Eridan was a fucking princess.

Even with Dirk and three clerks bringing potential outfits right to him in the change room, and Dirk limiting him to just the single store, they didn't have a chance to eat before it was time to go. Eridan fell in love with at least five different outfits and insisted he had to have them all, even if they were merely variations on the same theme.

And then he had seen the scarf display and this started the whole operation all over again when he realized that the scarf he liked best didn't match any of the clothing he'd picked.

It didn't help that all of the clerks in the store thought he was just the most adorable, handsome thing, and kept cooing over the outfits as he came out and modelled each one, no matter how ridiculous they were. How could anyone like stripes this much? And purple. Everything had to be purple, or blue. Mostly both. 

Then he found the costume jewellery, and while he turned his nose up at it for not being genuine gold or gems, he lingered over a large, gaudy ring so long that Dirk finally just grabbed it and shoved it on his finger. Only then did he grudgingly agree to take it, as if he hadn't wanted it all along. After that Dirk kept catching him admiring the glass monstrosity in the light, watching the light play over the facets as if it were the biggest some-kind-of-purple-gem-with-no-equivalent-in-nature in the world.

Ultimately, looking at the pile of things Eridan had chosen and thinking about his rather thin budget considering the fact that he was now unemployed and had two mouths to feed, Dirk put his foot down and forced him to choose just two outfits, along with the ring and scarf. Eridan nearly threw a literal fit right there in the middle of the store, but something in Dirk's posture or tone seemed to get through. He meekly made his choice, though Dirk could have sworn there were actual purple tears in his eyes as the clerks began putting back the remainder of the mountain of clothes. 

While Dirk paid for them, Eridan scurried back to the change room to get dressed. 

Finally, they were leaving, and by Dirk's calculation they were already going to be a bit late for this weird meeting with the unknown roboticists. But before he left, one of the women who worked in the store gently took Dirk aside. 

"Uh, he's _really_ cute, but don't you think he should be on a leash?" she asked earnestly, glancing to the side at Eridan, who had gotten distracted by a selection of bangles and was surreptitiously trying one on. 

Dirk tried not to let his face get as scary as it quite wanted to, keeping his expression as neutral and nonchalant as he could muster. "Why? He listens to my instructions, and he's not about to run off. So what does he need a leash for?"

She bit her lip. "Well, it's not me or anything. But, he's got those big teeth and claws. I never realized they could be so friendly. Someone might get scared if they saw him wandering around without a leash on or anything, and they didn't know him, that's all. Anyway, isn't there a law?"

"I dunno," Dirk said irritably. "I'll take it under advisement." He grabbed their shopping bags, turned on his heel, and stalked out the door, gesturing to Eridan. "Put that back and come on."

"But can't I just--"

"Heel."

Pouting, Eridan dropped the bangle and trailed after him. "Wwhat does heel evven mean?"

"It means stop arguing and follow me," Dirk sighed. "Because there are douchebags present."

"Oh." Eridan looked around with fins pricked up, as if trying to spot a douchebag. 

As they walked, Dirk did notice more than a few people eyeing them with varying shades of curiosity and wariness. Were people afraid of Eridan just because of his claws and teeth? He was like a big slimy fishy teddy bear, for crying out loud. He was practically the least intimidating thing Dirk had ever interacted with.

Whatever, maybe he'd have to buy a leash and collar for when they went out, just to shut up the idiots and keep someone from siccing some animal control officer on him. It would just be for show, to keep them from attracting more attention than was inevitable given the fact that trolls - especially sea trolls - were so rare. But the idea made his skin crawl.

He was ecstatic when he reached the relative safety of his car. At least there, he wouldn't feel the eyes of dozens of people, judging him and his troll handling skills. He toyed with the radio as he drove, putting on his moodiest mix tape and turning it up until the bass vibrated through the seats. 

Eridan fiddled with his ring and fussed with his hair and scarf in the mirror on the back of the sun visor, his fins fanned out contentedly for the first time since Dirk had known him. Unbelievable. Give him enough stupid-looking clothing and gaudy-ass shit, and he was apparently pleased as punch. It was Dirk who had to do all the worrying. 

Why did he have to be so cute, anyway? It wasn't fair.

Knowing how late he was, he was tempted to drive a lot faster than he did, but he was too nervous to risk it. His mysterious hacker roboticists would just have to wait until he got there. He didn't want to get pulled over. He really didn't know what he was getting into, but having just committed a crime, and on his way to meet shadowy figures, he didn't know for sure that it wouldn't get back to Crocker corp if he came to the attention of police.

It was probably overly paranoid, but Dirk had always felt that just because you were paranoid didn't mean they _weren't_ out to get you.

Soon enough, he rolled into the parking lot of the warehouse where 'TA' had said he should meet them. It seemed abandoned, the lot littered with garbage and completely devoid of any other vehicles besides his own pink Geo Metro. Acting on instinct - and probably more paranoia - Dirk pulled behind an overflowing dumpster, so his car wouldn't be too visible from the street.

When he'd killed the engine, Eridan finally seemed to notice where they were. He looked around, his fins flattening in dismay and his nose wrinkling up a bit. "Wwe're here?"

"We're here," Dirk confirmed, and reached out, giving Eridan's left fin a flick. The troll squeaked and recoiled, rubbing the delicate web. "Let's go. Remember, I'm counting on you to watch my back."

Eridan had looked like he was about to ask if he could stay in the car, but at Dirk's final words his fins flared up and he squared his shoulders. "You can count on me, Dirk."

"Good." Dirk offered him the tiniest of smiles, then got out of the car. 

Eridan joined him, and they walked together towards the warehouse, which was basically just a huge, rusty, corrugated metal box. The upper floor was lined with windows, and nearly every single one was broken. The walls were covered in rough graffiti. This place had obviously not been used for anything civilized in quite a while.

Dirk reached a door, which was possibly the rustiest piece of metal he had ever seen. He grabbed the doorknob and pulled, and the door opened with a terrible shriek of metal on metal.

"Well," Dirk said, while Eridan cowered and shook his head. "I think they know we're here."

"We do."

Two figures stood in the middle of the room. Though some dirty sunlight filtered through the windows above, little of the light truly penetrated to the floor. With his sunglasses on, Dirk was almost totally blind, aware of some vague shapes in the gloom, but unable to see details. He was pretty sure that even if he hadn't had the glasses on, he'd have had a hard time seeing his hosts, though - they had clearly chosen a deep shadow to stand in.

He could tell a few things, though. One was very tall, well over six feet, and broad-shouldered. The other was shorter, and slender as a rail. It was the taller one who'd spoken, with a deep booming voice.

Dirk glanced at Eridan, who was peering at the two figures with a nervous, but thoughtful expression. Trolls could see in the dark, right? Dirk wondered what he could see, but it wasn't like he could ask him right now. He'd just have to cope with his human senses.

He strolled forward as if his heart wasn't racing a million miles an hour. "Sorry I'm late," he said casually. "Shopping went a bit long. Maybe we should start by introducing ourselves, and then you can tell me about this business proposition you wanted to run by me?"

The door clanged shut behind them, cutting off a little more of the light. Not that it really was helping that much, anyway.

The two strangers seemed to exchange glances. "Firtht, we want to talk to your troll," said the shorter one. Dirk raised an eyebrow at the lisp. That was a nasty one.

But he simply shrugged and glanced at Eridan. His violet eyes were wide and his fins visibly quivering, standing out from his face with obvious emotion. But Dirk couldn't quite read the expression on his face. Was that fear? Or excitement?

"You can talk to him," Dirk said, turning back to the strangers. "If he wants to talk to you, then he'll answer, but you don't have to ask me permission. He's his own person."

He heard Eridan draw in a sharp breath, then let it out, but it was the lisping guy who spoke first.

"How'th he treating you? He put you on a leash yet, kiddo? I know you're new to thith whole freedom thing, but--"

"Howw dare you, filthblood?" Eridan snarled, a hiss rattling over the words and making them sound other than human. "No leash's evver been on my throat, an I'll ask you to treat me wwith the proper kind a respect if you're goin' to talk to me."

 _Holy shit,_ Dirk thought, his head whipping around so he could stare openly at the self-righteous rage of the troll. His jaw was on the floor, but the strangers seemed to take it in stride.

"Okay, okay, calm yourthelf down," said the shorter guy. "You don't have to throw around that kind of shit. I didn't mean anything by it."

The taller of the two stepped forward into the light, and Dirk saw his grey skin shine under a shaft of sunlight, glinting off of a sheen of moisture that looked like sweat. The huge man had two curving horns. One was shaped like an arrow, but the other one was half the length, broken off jaggedly. His eyes were a deep shade of blue.

He bowed to Eridan. "No offence was meant, highblood," he said, his booming voice quiet. "We only want to know for certain if you were being treated appropriately by this human."

The other was close behind, skinny and lean, he had twice as many horns as the other two, and twice as many teeth, too. His eyes were incredibly strange, seemingly pupil-less, one red and one blue. "Yeah, fuck. Chill out," he said, shrugging.

"Shit," Dirk said evenly. "You're trolls."


	6. Chapter 6

The shoot was supposed to be eight hours. At least, Dave had _thought_ eight hours was a reasonable amount of time to be working, in the minds of most sane people. It was excessive even in his mind, but apparently in the minds of the weirdos who filmed movies, after sixteen they were just getting warmed up. 

He stumbled back to his apartment well after midnight, utterly wiped and stinking of smoke. Every fucking person who worked in the movies smoked, it seemed. Or maybe it was just the people who were working on the SBaHJ movie. He felt like burning his clothing, but he was too tired.

He keyed inside, and moved zombie-like through the darkened apartment towards the bathroom for a shower, well-aware that he was expected to be back on set for pre-shooting script approvals by six am, later that morning. But an unexpected sound nearly made him jump out of his skin, and he yelled as he turned, his hands clenching as if to close around the hilt of a sword.

The television was on. A banal guy was kissing a pretty girl on his television. Why--

Two crimson coals were staring at him over the back of the sofa.

"Holy shit," Dave said, more shakily than he wanted, and moved back to the door to slap the light switch. "You freaked me out." He had forgotten about the troll. 

Karkat's eyes narrowed to slits as light flooded the room, giving shape and apparent sanity to a situation that probably had none in reality. "Where the fuck were you all day?" he asked. Though the words sounded accusatory, they were delivered in an curt and even tone, like Karkat was holding himself back.

It sure hadn't taken him long to stop being so scared, Dave reflected wryly. He was definitely going to have to watch this one, but he didn't mind. The more confident he became, the more interesting he got.

Dave ran a hand through his hair, strolling across the room towards the troll. "I was working," he said. "Sorry, bud. I didn't mean to abandon you on your first day. Did you get something to eat, or do you want me to make something?"

Karkat shrugged, his fingertips tightening to make his claws dimple the futon mattress. "I found food in the thermal hull over there. It's fine. I just." He stopped, his scowl deepening fiercely. "I wasn't sure if you were coming back."

"Duh, I live here," Dave said, though he had to suppress what felt like a traitorously fond expression. "Look, let me shower off the filth of the city and we can chat before I pass out, okay? I'm totally disgusting right now."

This suggestion was met with a deeply suspicious look. "Okay," Karkat said eventually. "But I don't think the shower is going to help."

Dave snorted with laughter and headed for the bathroom, fully aware of the triumphant grin on Karkat's face. Who would have guessed the little weirdo would have had a sense of humour?

He normally didn't take long showers - that distinction was definitely confined to his brother Dirk, and he had mostly made do with five or ten minutes with the dregs of hot water left after one of Dirk's epic ablutions. Today, he took slightly longer than usual, only because he was trying to wake himself up and do a thorough job at the same time. 

When he came out, he looked automatically towards the sofa, but the television was off and there was no sign of Karkat. A clatter turned his head in the opposite direction to see the troll with his nose in the fridge. _Must be hungry after all,_ Dave thought, heading for his little kitchen nook. 

"Want me to make you something?" he asked again.

"Fuck off I said I ate," Karkat muttered, withdrawing his head from the fridge and kicking it closed with a bare heel. He had a large pizza box. "There's nothing to actually cook with in this place, so you'll just have to have irradiated pizza. How many slices?"

"Me?" Dave slid onto one of the tall stools at his kitchen island, resting his chin on his hand and looking with bemusement at his house guest.

"You," Karkat snapped, his eyes narrowing. 

Dave was tickled, but he felt a qualm. He spread his hands. "Karkat, seriously, you don't have to be my servant or something. I don't want you to do shit for me, and I don't need you to pay me back."

Karkat pressed his grey lips together and turned around, proceeding to rummage through Dave's cupboards. There wasn't much in there, but after some hunting, Karkat started washing a plate instead. "How much did I cost?"

"You were there," Dave said. At the time, he hadn't been sure Karkat could understand what he and the salesasshole were saying, but now that he'd had more than one perfectly cogent conversation with him, there was no question in his mind that Karkat had been fully aware of it.

"I was," Karkat said, shooting him a look over his shoulder. "And I don't want to owe you anything, Strider. I'm going to be free."

Dave sighed deeply. "Karkat. You're not my _property_. I have enough money, and I don't need you to pay me back. You can leave whenever you want. Hell, I was gone most of the day today. You could be miles away from here by now if you wanted to run, so why didn't you?"

"It's not the same if I _run away_ ," Karkat grated.

The two stared at each other for a few moments, until Dave broke the contest first, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. "I get it," he said tiredly. "You want to work your way free."

Karkat made a quiet noise that sounded like embarrassed agreement, fiddling with the plate and putting slices of pizza onto it. Dave struggled inwardly between his understanding of the situation and a deep, visceral desire not to exploit Karkat that way. The thing was, he could understand why Karkat felt the way he did... but it didn't sit well with him, anyway. 

The microwave hummed, covering the silence between them for one minutes and forty-five seconds.

The beep broke the moment, and Dave looked up. "Okay, it's cool. You do what you like, and when you feel like you've paid me back or whatever, you let me know."

Karkat nodded gravely, placing the plate in front of Dave, along with a torn paper towel and a plastic cup of fizzy soda. He was being served like a fucking King in his castle, tonight.

"So where were you today? You really were gone a long-ass time," Karkat asked. This time it sounded less like a barely-suppressed accusation and more like honest curiosity.

"I was watching them film my movie," Dave said through a mouthful of italian sausage, cheese and banana peppers. He'd ordered this pizza on a Thursday - who-can-eat-the-hottest-shit night at the Strider household - and momentarily forgotten that Dirk wouldn't be here to douse it in hot sauce and share it with him.

Karkat looked blank. " _Your_ movie?"

Dave nodded, unable to completely suppress his pleased grin. Thinking of it still made his stomach tickle in a funny way. "I write a webcomic, only it caught some attention, I guess. I was offered a movie deal, and I took it on the condition that I had creative control." That had been on Dirk's advice, and it had been nerve-wracking as hell to stand up to those Hollywood bigwigs, but they'd caved and he was glad he'd listened to Dirk now. "But that means I have to be there to make sure they don't fuck things up, or if they need to change something. That's why I'm here in New York. I normally live in Houston, Texas, with my older brother."

Karkat listened to this with obvious curiosity in his eyes, though there was a sort of pinched look around his face as if he were trying to hide the expression. "So are you going to be gone all day normally?"

"Sometimes," Dave said with a shrug. "I think once the initial kinks are worked out, they won't need me so much, and today was just one fuck-up after another. I have to get up, uh." He winced, glancing at his watch. "In four hours and be back at it."

The troll looked thoughtful, chewing on the side of one of his filed claws. "Can I come sometime?"

Dave hesitated. There were angry red marks around Karkat's throat, and he belatedly realized that the leash and collar was still sitting in a corner, abandoned where he'd thrown it the night before. "I don't mind. There's a no pets policy, but you aren't a fucking dog. If you behave, they won't care. But you'll have to be on a leash, I think."

He'd expected that crimson gaze to turn mutinous, but it only lowered for a moment, a quick flick down, then up. "I'll deal with it. I won't misbehave, either."

"Okay, then," Dave said with a crooked grin. "Let me ask them tomorrow just to make totally sure, and then you can come." He paused and looked Karkat up and down. "If I get home earlier tomorrow, we'll go out, though."

Karkat cocked his head. "Out? Why?"

"Fuck, man. You look like your closet is filled with things a hobo dragged out of a dumpster and rolled in a pile of garbage. And you need a haircut."

Karkat's eyes widened and he grabbed one of his unruly curls. "I'll cut my own hair! I'll suffer through the indignity of being treated like your own personal dressing dummy, but no one's getting that close to my neck with a pair of cutting shears, you got it?"

Dave gave that due consideration. "Deal."

Now to decide just how badly he wanted to troll the troll.

~ ~ ~

"Shit," Dirk said. "You're trolls."

The big one huffed, and the skinny one snickered. "What wath your firtht clue?"

Dirk opened his mouth, then paused when he realized he was going to say something stupid like "where's your human", and closed it again. 

The two trolls looked wary and a bit scruffy. The big one had several visible scars, missing teeth, and that one broken horn that looked like it had been a pretty nasty injury. The other was so skinny that Dirk was pretty sure he could count his ribs even through the faded and torn t-shirt he wore. They looked like stray animals, and Dirk realized that was precisely what they probably were. Eridan, by contrast, looked like he'd been pampered. He might have been kept isolated in a cage, but he'd had regular meals and a roof over his aquarium.

"Okay, so now that we've established our respective species," Dirk said instead, sticking his hands in his pockets and establishing a casual air. "Was the bit about a business proposition just a shitty way of getting Eridan out to play, or did you really have something to talk to me about? And how about we introduce ourselves? I'm Dirk Strider."

"Thollukth Captor," Sollux said unfortunately, then grimaced and looked up at the taller troll. "Tell him," he said, in a rather commanding voice.

The other one looked a bit mutinous, but obeyed. "Equius Zahhak," he murmured.

"Eridan Ampora," Eridan said, haughtily, even though Dirk had already given his name. He probably just didn't want to be left out.

Introductions complete, Dirk raised an eyebrow pointedly, and Sollux went on. "We really did want to talk to you," he said. "You're a robotithitht." Dirk had to work really hard not to let his amusement show on his face, but Eridan had no such compunctions. The sea dweller guffawed, and Equius cracked his knuckles pointedly.

"Quit it," Dirk said, giving Eridan's fin a flick with his fingertip. Eridan yelped and clapped a hand to the fin, giving Dirk a wounded look.

Sollux smacked Equius on the arm, hard, and Equius merely grunted and eyed the skinny troll, while Sollux waved his hand as if he'd punched a granite wall.

"Anyway, where wath I?" Sollux growled, bi-coloured eyes narrowed in a scowl directed straight at Eridan. "We want to thtart a roboticth company. Equiuth ith already good at the building part, and I do thoftware. But we don't have a public fathe. If anyone knew we were two trollth building robotth, no one would take uth, uh."

"Theriouthly," Dirk supplied, allowing himself a small grin. 

Sollux turned the scowl on him this time. "Shut up, fuckwad. No making fun of the lithp."

"Sorry," Dirk said. He had to work not to say 'thorry', but he managed it, somehow. "So you're looking for a human patsy to do your PR, right? Why me? I'm into robotics, but it doesn't look like that's what you want. You want a human employee."

"You have to have expertise in the area to properly represent the company," Equius rumbled. "And in any case, your talent wouldn't go to waste. You would work along side us, not simply be the 'face' of our enterprise."

"Bethideth," Sollux said. "We don't know a lot of humanth, and you rethcued Eridan and fucked with Crocker corp at the thame time. We figure you're probably cool."

"I'm very cool," Dirk agreed. "You realize this is insane, right? Three trolls and one human starting up a robotics business together? We have no capital, no resources, no fucking lab to work in."

Sollux shrugged. "That'th thtep two. Tho are you in?"

Dirk hesitated. The prospect was tempting, if only for its pure audacity. The trolls were interesting, but he had no idea if they were any good - except that _someone_ was obviously good at hacking, and he suspected it was Sollux here. There were so many things to work out, though. He wasn't in the habit of taking a leap off a tall building without a plan to survive the way down.

"I'm willing to give it a shot," he said finally. "But you two are going to have to show me what you can do. And I need to know more about you. Like where you live."

Sollux and Equius exchanged glances, then Equius gestured around themselves. "We live here, for now. We've moved a great deal to avoid detection."

"Must be tough, being two homeless trolls," Dirk commented, watching their faces.

"We don't need a human'th help to live. We aren't _petth_ ," Sollux spat irritably. Equius said nothing.

"I hear you," Dirk said, giving a nod. "Look, I think we've all got to get to know each other a bit more before we can really commit. We're talking wedding plans here, but you haven't even taken me on a first date." Sollux flushed, turning a weird sickly yellow. "Besides," he continued. "You look like you could use a sandwich. Why don't we head back to my place and strategize, okay?"

There was a short pause, then Sollux nodded. "Okay."

"Wwhat wwill I do?"

This plaintive question came from a quarter Dirk had almost forgotten. Eridan's fingers twisted in his scarf as he looked at the other two trolls, losing his haughty demeanor for the moment.

"You'll do something," Dirk said firmly, though to be honest he had no clue what. What could Eridan do to contribute to this enterprise? So far as Dirk was aware, he had no skills whatsoever. 

Well, he'd figure it out.

"Come on," he said, turning towards the exit. "I think my car can fit you all if you're friendly."


	7. Chapter 7

The Crocker Corp building was actually a collection of differently-sized interconnected buildings. At the centre of the complex was a tall spire that reached for the sky. The architect had been an artistic soul - from one angle, it looked to be topped by a spoon, from another, it was a three-pronged fork. 

At the very tip of the spire, beneath the base of the gigantic utensil, the entire floor was a single room. The windows of the room looked out over Houston, high enough that those within could gaze down upon most other buildings in the area. When the sun shined its hardest, the windows automatically polarized to filter out the hottest of the sun's rays, both for the comfort of its human occupants, and others.

At this time, though, there was no sun to shine through the windows. The room's occupant sat at a desk, lit only by the glow of the computer monitor. The rest of the room, with its huge boardroom table, its comfortable sofa, and its kitchen filled with baked goods and other sweets that were as far from baked goods as the person who purchased them could find, were left in near-total darkness. 

Suddenly, the elevator opened, adding another spill of light to the darkened room. Two figures entered, one a bit thick around the middle and round in the face, the other skinny as a rail, and glittering with gold jewellery. As the doors closed, the room was plunged back into blackness.

The skinny one wandered off and sprawled over the sofa, her eyes glittering in the dim light. The other one grabbed a chair and dragged it over behind the one at the computer monitor. 

"John? What in tarnation are you doing?" With this exclamation, Jane plunked into the chair and leaned forward to see what was on the screen. 

"Sis!" John twisted in his seat and grinned at her, teeth seeming to fill half his face. "I thought you were visiting Dad today."

"Mmm," Jane replied, waving her hand. "I did! And now I'm back. Meenah ate her weight in Papa's famous lasagna, didn't she dear?" 

The troll on the sofa waved a hand. "Uh huh. I shore did. And _you_ ate two of me in pasta slices and grubsauce."

"It's tomato sauce, darling," Jane said indulgently. "With ground beef. Not baby trolls."

"That's what they _want_ you to think."

Jane rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to her brother. "Well? What are you doing here in the dark?"

John rubbed a hand through his tousled hair. "Oh wow, I didn't realize it got so late. I was totally involved in something, sis! I wanted to know what happened. You know?"

"I know," Jane said. "But I thought you said the security cameras were hacked."

"They were!" John said brightly. "But I had a little help decoding the hacking job, and then it wasn't that hard to find the images. They were recorded, just hidden."

"Help?" Jane cocked her head. "What kind of help?"

John might have been blushing. He looked at her sidelong through his thick glasses. "Do you want to see or do you want to grill me about my _secret methods_? Because I promise that you'll never make me talk."

"I can always grill you later." Jane straightened in her chair and pressed her hands together. "I wouldn't miss it. Roll it, bro."

Meenah's skinny arms settled around Jane's neck, her pointed chin resting on the top of her head as John tapped out a drum roll on his table, then started the recorded video.

The three rulers of Crocker corp watched as a blond human strolled down the hall, trying to avoid the view of the cameras, but unaware of the hidden one that was recording his every move. The man pulled out a sword and slashed at the aquarium, and the glass shattered, sending water and a surprised troll flowing out into the hall.

"Golly!" Jane exclaimed. "Who could that man be?"

"I don't know," Meenah purred. "But I think we three need to find out."

"I also want to know who hacked the cameras," John said. "Tuna said it happened afterwards."

Jane and Meenah exchanged glances, then looked at John in amazement. " _Tuna_ said?"

~ ~ ~

They weren't that friendly, but they all fit anyway. There was more than a little growling and squabbling in a language Dirk couldn't understand as the three trolls got themselves situated in his tiny vehicle.

Eridan obviously claimed shotgun, probably because he was here first. Or maybe it had something to do with his fins. He certainly flared them like a betta fish with a mirror next to his tank enough times as he growled the other two into the back seat. The big blue one was willing enough, but the space behind the front seats of the Geo Metro wasn't really big enough to accommodate his frame, especially his bulging legs. Sollux, at least, fit pretty well, though his knees were up around his pointed ears once he'd gotten himself situated.

_I might have to get myself a nice, reliable mini-van if this keeps up,_ Dirk thought wryly when all three trolls had finally made themselves as comfortable as possible. 

Equius' head was hunched down as far as he could go, but his one intact horn was still ripping a little hole in the fabric of the ceiling, and every time they went over a little bump, he made a tiny sound like he was in pain.

Or. Something.

The trip from the parking garage to the apartment was uneventful except for a woman who started to step onto the elevator at the main floor, took one look at three unleashed trolls - two of them looking pretty ragged - and stepped right back off again. 

Dirk smiled at her, showing all his teeth. Maybe they weren't pointed like the trolls, but from the look on her face, it was no friendlier than their smiles.

"Stupid bitch," he muttered as the elevator resumed its trip.

"Yeah," said Sollux. The other two trolls just shifted uncomfortably and Dirk got the impression they were completely unsurprised by this treatment. 

Soon they were at Dirk's apartment, which seemed a whole lot smaller with three trolls in it instead of just one. Eridan immediately set to prowling the apartment, while Sollux and Equius hung near the door and looked around nervously. Eridan disappeared into his own room, then came back out and shut the door, then took a position outside the doorway, arms crossed and fins flared in challenge.

"Eridan," Dirk said, flopping onto his sofa. "Your room is still your room. Okay? Why don't you do something to make our guests feel at home? Or is that beneath you, your Highness."

Eridan snorted, but his fins flattened out a little. "It might be a little beneath me," he said. "But I wwon't be rude." He glared at Sollux and Equius. "You can sit an be comfortable. If you wwant a drink, I'll get it for you, but only because I don't wwant your filthy prongs grubbin' all ovver Dirk's things."

"How kind," Sollux said sarcastically, and moved over to Dirk. "Room for one more?"

Dirk wasn't quite lying down, but he pushed himself up, letting Sollux sink bonelessly onto the sofa next to him. Equius, to Dirk's surprise, sank down to sit on the floor, leaning against the sofa and looking up at Dirk and Sollux. Sollux ruffled his long straight hair, but Equius endured it, stony-faced.

At that point, Eridan realized there was nowhere for him to sit.

He huffed and puffed up, then moved to the television and perched on the stand, wedging himself in beside the huge screen TV.

He could already see that housing three trolls was going to be a trial. He wasn't sure if Sollux and Equius were moving in permanently - but if they weren't, he wasn't sure where they'd end up going. They were obviously homeless, and if they were going into business together, he couldn't be hanging around with a bunch of homeless scruffy trolls. They wouldn't be able to work together if Sollux and Equius were spending all their time grubbing in garbage for food and evading human animal control.

"Okay," said Dirk, rubbing a hand over his face. "Let's talk business."


	8. Chapter 8

timaeusTestified began pestering turntechGodhead

TT: Guess what.   
TG: what   
TT: Wow, you're actually there. You're still awake at this hour?   
TG: haha   
TG: funny   
TG: itd be more correct to say that im awake again   
TG: i was on set for sixteen hours yesterday bro and off to give my pound of flesh on the scales of hollywood brilliance once again   
TG: ive got to be there by six to get my dick sucked   
TG: its a tough job but somebodys got to do it   
TG: what are you doing up so late though   
TG: its like four there   
TG: isnt it past your bedtime   
TT: Please, spare me, I'm about a minute older than you are.   
TG: come on we dont know how long it was and you have to admit you were always the responsible one   
TT: Did you ask me a question you actually wanted me to answer, or are you going to babble at me all night?   
TG: sorry sorry   
TG: im fucking exhausted and every time i close my eyes i have weird dreams   
TT: If this were a story, I'd think it was significant that you're having bad dreams.   
TT: Are you drinking too much coffee? I know without asking that the answer is yes   
TG: yes   
TT: Yes.   
TT: Anyway.   
TT: I was up all night talking to my new best friends, Sollux and Equius. Or potential new best friends, I'm not sure yet.   
TG: oh right the troll   
TG: wait you have friends   
TT: Shut up.   
TT: They're trolls, and they want to start up a robotics company to compete with Crocker.   
TG: and this is a good idea   
TT: Probably not.   
TT: But I think I can stick it to those bitches, and that makes it worthwhile giving it a shot.   
TT: Besides, I can see the shape of it. The plan, I mean. I think I know how to do it.   
TG: shit   
TG: you go stick it to those bitches, homo   
TG: rah rah fight the power or whatever   
TT: Thank you.   
TT: So, besides working, what have you been up to?   
TG: whoops look at the time dude i gotta jet   
TG: ttyl as the cool kids say   
TT: We never say that.

turntechGodhead is an idle chum!

Dave put his laptop down and glanced at Karkat, who had just finished slurping up a full plate of breakfast. Dave was on his second cup of black coffee, and his eyes were still bloodshot behind his shades.

"Who're you talking to?" Karkat asked, fixing Dave with a surprisingly bold, piercingly crimson gaze. He'd definitely gotten over most of his nervousness from the first night, which Dave knew he should be happy about, but which gave him a little bit of a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Somehow, he suspected that Karkat was going to be a handful.

"I was talking to my brother, Dirk," he said conversationally, getting to his feet and draining the last of his coffee. "Looks like he's shacked up with a couple of trolls, too."

Karkat's eyes narrowed. "Shacked up?" he echoed suspiciously. "Which trolls?"

"Somehow I doubt you know them," Dave said. "Sollux and Equius I think he said." Oh, and there was something else he'd mentioned the day before. "I think they're fish trolls. Anyway, he's in Houston, not here, so you wouldn't..."

There was an odd look on Karkat's face, and Dave trailed off, frowning at him. " _Do_ you know them?"

Karkat blinked, then glared at him. "Are there any neurons firing in that festering pus-filled sack you call a thinkpan? Houston is... is really far away, I think. I've never been there. How could I know a pair of useless bulgesacks over there when I've spent my entire life in a cage here?"

"It's really far away," Dave agreed, his lips twitching in amusement. 

He still didn't know why Karkat had reacted that way, but it seemed futile to ask now, so he just walked towards the door, snagging his keys. "I'll be back as early as I can make it. I've pulled out some clothes that'll hopefully fit you." He paused in the doorway and smirked. "Be ready for an amazing shopping spree."

Karkat nodded, his face screwed up in an inscrutable expression, and Dave headed out.

Six hours later, Dave strolled back into the apartment, his phone glued to his ear as he juggled his keys one-handed. "Look, I'll be back in in two hours, I swear, and I'll work to the end of the day. I've got something to do, and I told you I had an errand to run. This is really important, and no one's missing me but you. So please. Chill."

He stopped just inside his doorway and winced, listening to the director shouting bullshit in his ear. Karkat scrambled up from the sofa, pausing his movie and staring at him, his fingers giving a twitch as the director shouted a particularly loud word that apparently the troll could hear even from that distance. 

"Talk to you later," Dave said loudly, and ended the call. "Dickwad." He turned the phone off as it started to ring again, and shoved it deep into his pocket. "Holy shitballs, he's a prick," he said, then glanced at Karkat. "You ready to go, champ?"

Karkat bared his teeth. "I'm not a champ."

"Right, you're a big loser," Dave returned smoothly. "A shrimpy one. I asked if you were ready to go, because if you're not, then you're going to lose your chance."

Karkat put his hands on his hips. Dave had pulled out an old shirt to replace the rags he was wearing when he bought him, at least for now. It was a little faded, the record on the chest more cracked than it originally had been from many launderings. He hadn't even meant to bring it - after all, it hadn't fit him since he finished puberty and his chest filled out. But it had made it into his suitcase somehow, and now it was on Karkat.

Karkat was stockier and rounder in the torso than Dave had been, but the shirt fit okay. All of Dave's pants were too long, so he'd given him a pair of long shorts, which were too loose in the waist, but the hem landed somewhere between his knees and his ankles. 

It didn't really improve his look that much, to be honest, but at least it made Dave feel a little better. In fact, he looked like a child in clothes too big for him. It was adorable as fuck.

"I'm ready, so stop spewing bile out of your festering food hole and let's get going," Karkat snarled.

Dave grinned and bowed. "Come on, then. Your chariot awaits."

The movie gig had come with a big advance for the script writing, and an even bigger salary for the filming portion. Dave didn't own a car, so he'd temporarily leased a Volvo, which both fit his image and was so uncool a car to own that it came around to being cool again. Especially since it was packed with so many gadgets that it could practically drive itself. He was considering just driving it back to Houston. The thought of parking this luxury, practical silver beauty next to Dirk's pink Metro made him want to crack up. And it had heated seats, which were totally ridiculous to own either in Houston or Los Angeles.

Karkat fit no problem in the leather bucket seat, and immediately began poking at the radio, only to discover the LED screen as it rotated to face him. "What's this?" he demanded.

"Something you probably shouldn't touch," Dave said, glancing at him sidelong from behind his shades. 

The troll hesitated, flicking a look at him, then a hungry one back at the screen. He obviously couldn't tell that Dave was watching him, wondering what he would do. Karkat's fingers approached the screen, then recoiled with a nervous look at Dave again, and Dave's lips pursed just the tiniest bit.

"It's a GPS," he said casually, as if he hadn't noticed Karkat's reactions. "But if we brought some movies along, you can watch movies, too. If we go on any longer trips, we'll bring something along."

Karkat's response was accusatory. "Why'd you say I shouldn't touch it? It doesn't sound like something I could fuck with detrimentally."

"Because you watch too much fucking television as it is, jeez," Dave said with a roll of his eyes. "Don't you have any other hobbies? Why don't you enjoy the scenery for a bit?"

The troll scowled at him, then slumped back in his seat and looked gloomily out the window.

Dave already felt bad about what he'd said. How could the troll have any hobbies, let alone more than one? Dave wasn't even sure how Karkat had learned to love romance movies, being treated as a slave in some sick troll prostitution ring. 

Over and over he was reminded of what assholes humans had been to Karkat, and the last thing he wanted was to add to the list of wrongs.

He wished he knew how to ask the right questions to find the mines in his way, so he wouldn't accidentally step on any more. But instead he said nothing, and pulled into the parking lot for the mall.

An hour and a half later, they emerged from the mall, laden with packages. Karkat was dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain black T-shirt that actually fit him, and a proper pair of running shoes. 

He'd turned his nose up at everything Dave had pointed out as far as accessories, and claimed not to need anything else, but Dave had forced a few additional items on him, anyway - a nail kit to tend to Karkat's filed down nails as they grew back in, a toothbrush, a cellphone, a pile of new movies, and a portable blu-ray player. 

Karkat had been mostly wary but quiet as Dave shopped, but when he got to the electronic section and started picking out movies, the troll had objected to their purchase the whole time Dave waited in line at the checkout, then grew suspiciously quiet on their way back to the car. Dave dumped the packages into his big trunk and glanced at the troll. "Ready for your trip to the real movies?"

"Why are you doing things for me?" Karkat asked coldly. He stood next to the car, arms wrapped around himself, his "Why are you spending money on me? You don't know me. You think I'm stupid."

"Wow, what?" Dave pushed his glasses up and eyed Karkat neutrally. "When did I say you were stupid?"

"You didn't say it," Karkat said sulkily. "But it's obvious from the way you're constantly fucking with me. You always do that."

Dave was silent for a moment, covering his thoughtfulness by getting into the car and putting on his seat belt. Karkat slipped into the passenger seat and hunched there, wrapping his arms around himself.

There was something deeper to what Karkat had just said than just a little bit of harmless joking around. Once again, Dave had stepped on a mine. The problem was that he basically had no idea how not to fuck around with Karkat.

"Let's get one thing straight," he said, pulling out of the parking lot and heading for the freeway. "I don't think you're an animal, and I don't think you're stupid. I am treating you exactly the way I'd treat a human being who was crashing with me and had no bank account of his own and basically wasn't allowed to wander around town by himself or he might wind up getting put in a cage or put down."

He paused, frowning. Okay, so Karkat really wasn't like a human in a few key ways, but he felt his rambling point was made.

"Get it?" he finished. 

"I got it," Karkat grumbled, scowling out the window. Dave couldn't tell if he believed him and didn't want to admit it, or just thought he was full of shit.

The rest of the trip passed in silence, before he pulled up in front of an old warehouse, the interior lit up so brightly that shafts of light were visible through the chinks in the walls.

Dave turned off the engine, then glanced at Karkat. "You ready to watch movie magic being made?"

Karkat stared at the warehouse, then looked at Dave. "Uh, no?"

The tepid reaction was so surprising that Dave was temporarily silenced. "No?"

Karkat glanced at him. "You're going to take me in there like this?"

Dave gave him a critical look. The shirt Karkat was wearing was a simple black turtleneck with a grey print, and he was wearing a pair of pants that fit him far better than the shorts had done. He was even wearing shoes. He looked like a perfectly respectable troll.

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?" Dave asked finally, at a complete loss.

Karkat's lips thinned, and he pointed at his throat. It took Dave a second to recall - were there leash laws in LA that related to trolls? Wow, he totally wouldn't be surprised.

"Fuck that," he said, and got out of the car. "You aren't going to run around like a toddler missing his Ritalin, so there's no reason why anyone should have a problem with you. Behave like the civilized person I believe you are, and I'll never have a need to go out and buy that humiliating shit.

There was a moment, then Karkat jumped out and closed the door. "Okay," he said. "But don't blame me if someone flips their shit."

"The only one I'll blame for flipping shit is the one wielding the spatula," Dave said, pushing his glasses up.

Karkat nodded, then trailed after Dave as he headed into the warehouse.

"Strider!" The director was waddling rapidly towards him, holding a bound copy of the script. The director was some big-shot, someone Dave had even heard of, and he figured he was probably good enough to direct Dave's movie, but he was really starting to get on Dave's nerves. He was also nearly as wide as he was tall, and was basically a big angry beach ball with a megaphone. "It's about fucking time you got here. What is that?"

He pointed the script at Karkat, and Dave had to resist a momentary urge to tackle the man as Karkat cringed back. Instead, he stepped between them and put an arm around Karkat, pulling the troll against his side and partially blocking the director's view of him. 

"This is Karkat," Dave said, his face wooden. "He'll behave. He just wants to see how movies are made, and he's really none of your business. Do you have script changes for me to look at?"

The man glared at Karkat, then turned his baleful eye on Dave instead, and held up the script again. "Keep that out of the way and it'll be fine. I don't want him wandering onto the set, got it? Now, come on. I've been _waiting_ for you to look at these."

The next hours went by in a blur. Dave kept losing track of Karkat and realizing an hour had gone by and he had no idea where he was. But every time he took a moment away from the demands of his job to find the troll, he invariably found him lurking in a corner or a shadowed spot, watching the actors avidly, his yellow and crimson eyes glowing with excitement.

But eventually, even Karkat's energy was overwhelmed. As they wrapped for the night, well after midnight, Dave found Karkat curled up in a corner of the warehouse, fast asleep. Someone had covered him with an old blanket and put a folded jacket under his head. In the shadows, he looked like a sleeping young man, except for the tiny horns peeking out through his curls.

Dave couldn't help but smile a bit, and he bent over. "Wake up, Karkat. It's time to go."

He reached out, then thought better of touching him as Karkat stirred. He yawned, and dispelled much of the innocent image, as two rows of razor sharp teeth were on display. The crimson eyes opened and blinked, then opened wide as he sat up. "We have to go?"

Dave coughed to cover his grin and offered his hand. "You can come back tomorrow, sport. I've got to crash."

"Sure, whatever," Karkat said with studied disinterest, scrambling to his feet. "If you want, I can come help tomorrow again."

"Thanks, I appreciate that," Dave said, straightening with a smirk. "I work a lot better when you're here, apparently."

"That's not surprising," Karkat said haughtily, and then shyly returned the wave of several costumers who had obviously taken a shine to him, before hurrying to accompany Dave back to the car.


	9. Chapter 9

After closing his laptop, Dirk covered a jaw-cracking yawn with his right hand, then got up to find some spare pillows and blankets for his new guests. 

Eridan had gone to bed an hour before. Dirk could see that Eridan keenly wanted to be useful and didn't want to be left behind by Sollux and Equius, who had somehow picked up some pretty sick technical skills. Hell, any idiot could see it. But as their discussions had descended from general business to technical gobbledegook, Eridan hadn't been able to sustain his interest, and had started to nod off. Having lived in an aquarium, he likely couldn't keep up with the discussion when it strayed off into technical matters he knew nothing about.

But it was near dawn now, and Dirk's eyes were also crossing. Sollux and Equius still seemed pretty wakeful, but they were probably used to being nocturnal, and now that the sky was beginning to lighten, Dirk was determined to get some shuteye whether they were into that idea or not. 

It didn't take long to lay out blankets and pillows, and when Dirk slouched into his bedroom, it was with Sollux stretched out on the sofa, eyes gleaming longingly in the direction of Dirk's laptop, and Equius on the floor beside him, with strict orders not to let Sollux touch said laptop on pain of severe bulge punching.

Equius' eyes had gleamed at the promise, but Dirk had been too tired to interpret the meaning of the look. 

He opened the door to his bedroom, shut it, and stumbled towards his bed, undressing as he walked. Then he fell face-first onto the mattress.

And right onto a cool and squirming body.

Eridan yelped and flailed, and Dirk landed on the floor with an embarrassing thud. 

"What the fuck?" Dirk asked, with admirable calm considering his heart had just stopped and restarted without the benefit of an electrical charge running through it.

A shadowy face peered over the edge of Dirk's bed, lightning-bolt horns vaguely outlined by the pink neon lights of the pub across the street. "You fell on me," he said, slightly pouty.

"I'm well aware of that," Dirk said, hushing his voice in the hopes that Sollux and Equius wouldn't hear and - worse - come to investigate. He wasn't sure how they'd feel about finding Dirk naked with a troll in his bed.

A naked troll, based on what Dirk could see of his upper body.

Dirk wasn't sure how he felt about this, either. But he sensed this situation needed to be dealt with with more than a little delicacy. Eridan had snuck into his bed once, and Dirk had pretended not to notice, but this was even more blatant.

He pushed himself up to sit, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his chest - not incidentally covering himself with it. "Is there something wrong with your room?" he inquired calmly, trying to hold Eridan's gaze, but with his glasses on, it was difficult. Or maybe Eridan just didn't want to look at him. Either way, the sea troll was looking just about anywhere but at Dirk's face.

"No."

"You're sure. You've tried out the bed?"

Eridan's cheeks looked like they were turning purple. "The sleepin' platform seems fuckin' fine to me."

Dirk ran a hand through his hair, then let his hand fall. "I'm at a loss, then. Why are you in my bed?"

There was a long pause. "I just... wwanted. You're wwarm."

It was very hard not to smile at Eridan's adorable accent. Dirk fought to keep his face straight. "Is it cold in there, then? Is that it? I could give you a heater or something."

Eridan's face fell. "Wwell, I suppose that'll do the trick, then. I wwon't come in here, anymore."

Slowly, the troll pulled the blankets back and began to stand. There was a moment of uncertainty, but then Dirk saw that he was still wearing his jeans. Not naked, then, and that put another spin on the whole thing. Quickly, Dirk put out a hand and stopped him before he could swing his legs off the bed.

"Hang on," he said. "I didn't say you couldn't stay. I'm just trying to understand what's going on here. I'm trying to understand what you want."

Eridan only looked away and shrugged. Dirk surrendered. He got to his feet, throwing the pillow back down and throwing himself down onto the bed next to the troll. "It's way too early to talk about this," he murmured, pulling off his glasses and grabbing the blanket to squirm underneath. "If you want to stay, stay. But if you're abandoning your bedroom, then I don't see why Sollux and Equius should be couch-surfing. Poor little Equius is on the floor right now."

Eridan gave a little growl that didn't sound sympathetic in the least, rolling closer and laying his head on the pillow. Thankfully, Dirk had a twin, big enough for two if they were friendly, and Eridan seemed to want to get friendly. His arm snuck around Dirk's chest, and his cool chest rested against Dirk's shoulder. It was nice, if a bit clammy. On a warmer night, it would have been heaven.

"I don't see wwhy they should get my room," he muttered. "They're interlopers, and that's my room. This is your room. Wwe livve here, and they don't."

Dirk sighed and closed his eyes, patting Eridan's hand. "You were here first. That means you have seniority, and that's not going to change," he said patiently with an inner eyeroll. "If this is some sort of bullshit troll territorial instinct, you may have to just deal with it. They're homeless, free trolls without any human protection, which means that if they get caught they wind up prisoners of who knows who, or maybe dead. They don't have anywhere to live, and this apartment is going to get really small, really fast, if you're going to be this unwelcoming."

Eridan's fins drooped. "I'vve got no wwish for them to be culled and I'm not bein' in the least bit unwwelcoming," Eridan protested, and Dirk opened his eyes to give him a look. A little glubbing sound issued from his gills, and Eridan tucked his head against Dirk's neck. "If I can stay here, then I suppose I could see my wway clear to say they can havve my room," he muttered ungracefully. "But I ain't givvin' up any place to sleep and wwindin' up on the floor."

Dirk smiled faintly and ruffled the sea troll's hair. He had basically no idea what was going on here, but sooner or later he'd figure it out. "You can stay here," he said. "If things get too crowded and I change my mind, we can rearrange things and you'll get your room back. Deal?"

"Deal," Eridan murmured, his voice a little muffled.

"Good," Dirk said. He was so tired, but Eridan hadn't tried anything other than cuddling, and he was pretty okay with cuddling, so he relaxed into the pillow and tried to go to sleep.

If the troll tried to throw himself at him, he might have to reevaluate - the idea wasn't without its fascination, but he didn't want to take advantage of him. Eridan might be a princess, and he might have a strong idea of what he wanted, but he was vulnerable in a lot of pretty obvious - and not so obvious - ways.

~ ~ ~

Dirk woke to the cool press of troll skin to his back, and a troll face peering down at him from above. Equius' expression was impassive, but his blue eyes flicked from Eridan to Dirk and a tiny wrinkle had formed between his heavy brows that looked disapproving.

With some difficulty, Dirk refrained from freaking out or reaching for the sword he kept under his pillow. Waking up with someone staring at him was not something he was used to - at least, when the staring thing happened to be someone alive. Smuppets were different, and Dave's various attempts to troll him were also a completely different thing.

He averted his gaze quickly and groped for his sunglasses, wincing at the sunlight streaming in through the shitty blinds. "What's up?"

"I didn't wish to disturb you, sir," Equius said quietly. "But Sollux commanded me to wake you so that we could have breakfast."

"Did he? Sollux and I need to have a chat," Dirk muttered, sitting up. Eridan mumbled in his sleep, and Dirk shoved a pillow into his arms, which he cuddled contentedly.

The words niggled at him, and not just because Sollux was being a dick first thing in the morning. "Before I get you breakfast, we need to talk," Dirk said, grabbing a pair of boxers and slipping them on before getting to his feet. "Come on."

Equius' response was to look vaguely terrified, and to obediently follow Dirk into the bathroom. 

Dirk shut the door, and hopped up to sit on the counter. "Sit," he said, pointing to the toilet. Equius closed the lid and sat down, hunching in his seat and apparently trying not to touch anything.

"Chill, you're not in trouble," Dirk said. "I just need to understand what your deal is. Will you tell me about yourself?" 

He'd heard and seen enough the night before to recognize that Sollux took the lead on just about everything. Equius had been content to sit on the floor and speak when spoken to, yet the things he said betrayed a startlingly intelligent mind, and even a surprising amount of education. Hell, there were more 50 dollar words in his vocabulary than Dirk generally used, and that was saying something, especially since Dirk had gone to school and trolls usually weren't even literate so far as he knew.

He didn't want to pry, but he already knew something about Eridan, and Sollux might be a bit moody, but didn't seem - so far - to have such a deep well of landmines. This guy was too quiet, and too submissive, and Dirk had read that blue usually was close to the top, yet he took orders from a yellow blooded troll. From what little he knew - and what he'd witnessed Eridan doing - hierarchy was important to trolls, and it usually followed blood colour. Since Equius was a serious outlier, he needed to know more.

"There's little to tell," Equius said diffidently. "I'm certain you wouldn't be interested in details."

"Well, I'm about to surprise you," Dirk said, resting an elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand. "Because I am interested."

Equius bit his lip. Several of his teeth were broken. The poor thing looked like he'd been through a war - and immediately after he thought it, Dirk chastized himself. He wasn't a 'thing', he was a person. But he still looked like he'd gone through a threshing machine.

"I was trained to fight," Equius said, very reluctantly. "My hatching took place in a pen, and from a young age, I was made to fight other trolls while humans watched and bet on the outcome."

"Fuck," Dirk said, quite evenly. "I'm sorry. No wonder you've got so many scars."

Equius looked up, face looking a bit pinched with confusion. "Yes. Eventually a human purchased me, but I was too wild. I attacked a child in his house, after it pulled on my ear. I was going to be culled, but another human intervened and took me in. He already owned Sollux. He used me to test the strength of his robots, and through my association with Sollux, I was able to curb my violent tendencies. I'm truly no danger to any human, now." This last was said a bit quickly, with a thread of desperation. Equius obviously wanted Dirk to believe him, that he wasn't a danger to him.

"It's okay," Dirk said soothingly, his heart squeezing at the story he'd just been told. "I'm not worried you're going to flip out on me. It sounds like you've had a rough time, and that's shitty. Now things are going to be different. Was it that last guy who tought you all the stuff you know?"

Equius nodded, but hesitantly. Dirk could see wary relief in his eyes. "He didn't teach me, but Sollux had gleaned a great deal, and taught me enough that I learned how to access his files and learn more on my own. I learned to read and then read everything my master had, and more, using the computer."

"Christ," Dirk said, breaking into a faint smile. "You are as smart as I thought, learning how to read that way. What ever happened to the human guy you were with?"

"He died," Equius said shortly. "He was quite elderly, I think. Sollux and I vacated the home before anyone discovered his death, and we've been living on our own for a few months. Then we contacted you, and here we are."

"Here you are," Dirk agreed, hopping down and offering a hand. "And I'm not your owner. But you can live here with me as long as you guys want, like I said before."

Equius didn't reach back. "I shouldn't touch you," he said awkwardly. "My strength can be extremely dangerous to a human. Or even another troll."

Dirk dropped his hand and shrugged. "Whatever you say. One more question, though. Isn't it true that you're higher blooded than Sollux? Why do you do what he tells you to do?"

Equius seemed to flush, his cheeks glowing faintly blue. "It's true that by the standards of our race, I should be the one commanding, even enslaving one of his blood. But by subjugating myself to him, I'm able to work out some of my rage. His psionic powers allow him to restrain me, when I would otherwise do damage to someone."

"Sounds like you've got a hell of a temper," Dirk said. It sounded downright frightening, but he really couldn't imagine Equius flipping out like that. He just seemed so passive. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay?"

"As you wish," Equius said, rising to his feet. "May I ask you a question, sir?"

"Sure," Dirk said, then after a moment's thought. "But you don't have to call me sir, unless it helps in some way. I'm Dirk."

Equius shrugged faintly, and Dirk couldn't help but notice the attractive way his muscles shifted under the skin. _Down boy,_ he told himself. _Last thing he wants is another human fucking with him - literally._

"You said that Eridan wasn't owned by you," Equius said quietly. "But you took him into your bed last night. Is that something that you expect of us, also?"

Dirk stiffened, feeling as if he'd been slapped. Was that what they thought? 

Well shit. Of course that's what they thought.

"I didn't fuck him," he said. He could hear the coolness in his own tone, and tried to calm himself down. The last thing he needed was to freak Equius out even more. No wonder he'd been avoiding his gaze all morning. "Eridan wanted to sleep in my bed, and so I let him stay. We didn't do anything like that, and I won't be doing anything like that, until and unless I'm sure whoever I do it with is an enthusiastic - and equal - participant. Understand?"

There was a short silence, then Equius bowed his head. "I understand, sir. Thank you for relieving my mind."

Dirk wasn't entirely sure whether Equius believed him, but he decided there wasn't much he could do to convince him. Over time, they'd come to see he wasn't a jerk, like most of the humans they had known. His own words would mean less than his actions.

"Come on," he said, opening the door. "Let's feed that four-horned friend of yours."


	10. Chapter 10

The water and broken glass had long ago been cleaned up, and a regular old window had been fitted into the space where the stolen troll's aquarium had been. 

Mituna hated it.

Before, his home was bathed in soothing blue light. Sometimes the troll in the tank had swum by and flicked his fins at him. Mituna wasn't sure if he had actually intended to do it, but occasionally he had tried to wiggle his own ears back, or waved his hands against his cheeks, but the troll had never said anything. Or maybe he had, but just couldn't talk since he was under water.

But then there had been a terrible crashing that made him want to scream, and the water had flowwwwwed away. Now the light was so bright. He wanted to cover his face with a nice, soothing visor of red and blue, like his eyes. Like in his dreams.

He loved his dreams in red and blue. Maybe he should sleep now.

"Hey, Mituna!"

The cheerful voice brought his eyes open again, and he turned to look through the glass wall of his cage, his lips spreading in a grin. "Hello, John!"

The room where he lived was long and wide, with many cages, each one containing an animal. Sometimes they held trolls, other times other kinds of animals. Mituna couldn't remember how long he'd been here, but he didn't remember a lot of things.

Right now, there weren't any other trolls in the laboratory. Not even the one in the aquarium.

John inserted a key and unlocked the door, stepping into the cage. Inside was a soft pile of cushions, a platform for eating on, and a small privacy screen with a load gaper behind. 

The human flopped down onto the cushions, looking around. "You know, this place is really shitty. I could bring you upstairs, you know. You'd have lots of room to run around."

Mituna grabbed a cushion and hugged it to his chest. He wore a simple shirt and pants, a bit ragged from many washings. "When I run, I fall down."

John winced. "Yeah, I know, but really! It'd be nice. You know, I feel bad about the experiments and stuff, and what it did to you." When he had taken over the company with his sister, after his father's retirement, he had learned of the troll experiments and put an immediate stop to it. He'd had Meenah as a pet far too long to believe that they were dumb animals, and it just hadn't seemed right. 

He had confronted his father about it later, and his Dad had been horrified to learn about it, so that was a thing, at least.

Thing was, there was one troll he hadn't been able to rehome. The poor guy was so messed up, he refused to leave the lab. Half the time, he locked himself in even if John left the door open. "If you're really sure you don't want--"

Mituna just shook his head. His fingers spasmed, and he jerked forward, putting a finger to John's lips. "Shhhh, you talk too much," he whispered, grinning. "Tuna'th happy here, right now. It'th too big out there."

John gave him an unhappy look, pushed his glasses up, and sighed. "If you say so."

"I thay tho," Mituna replied cheerfully, and then scooted a little closer, tucking himself practically into John's lap like a bony teddybear. Then he began emitting a rumble like a rusty cat.

John petted his wild curls slowly, feeling a bit awkward about it. He was sure no one really came in here now that he'd shut down the department, but there was always a chance. What would someone think if they saw the CEO cuddling with a troll in a cage in an abandoned laboratory? Nothing normal, that's for sure.

"Hey Tuna," he said, to distract himself from his embarrassment. "I showed that video to my sister. She was pretty impressed!"

The purring stopped. "I'm fucking imprethhive," Mituna said warily. 

Somehow that hadn't gone over as well as John had hoped, and he had no idea why. Mituna reacted in odd ways, sometimes.

"You sure are," John went on, trying to keep that upbeat tone in his voice. "We were wondering if you could figure out who the guy was that stole the troll. The guy in the video, you know?"

"I know," Mituna replied. His lower lip snuck between two of his fangs. He said nothing for a while.

John wondered if maybe he should spring for some dental work for the poor mutated troll. He'd never fixed his own overbite, but Mituna's lisp was murder. Then again, going to the dentist would probably be traumatizing as heck. Probably he should work on getting Mituna out of this box before he considered anything more ambitious.

Mituna still wasn't saying anything. "Do you think you can do it?" John prompted. 

The troll shook himself a little, jerking in John's arms. "Yeah," he said, then tucked himself into an even tighter ball. "Why?"

"Why... am I asking? Or why do I want you to do it?" John asked, confused. 

"The thecond one!" Mituna said, giving John a punch on his knee, which appeared to just be the most accessible part of him in his field of vision.

"Ow!" John winced. "I need to find that guy. He stole the troll, and we don't know why."

"Maybe he doethn't want to come back," Mituna said softly.

John drew in a breath and let it out. "And maybe he's being hurt or something. Besides, it's not cool to steal from Crockercorp. We really don't like that. Anyway, we've just got to be sure the troll is safe. Okay?"

Mituna frowned and nodded. "Okay. I can find him. It'th eathy and you're dumb."

"Great," John replied, inured to the random insults by now. Meenah did it, too, though not quite as incoherently. "What do you need?"

"Your perthonth who work here. The fileth on them," Mituna said instantly.

John froze. "You think he works here?"

" _Yeah_ , fucktard," Mituna said, and wrapped his arm more securely around John's waist. "Of courthe he doeth. He came before and wath wearing a nametag, too. I thaw him. But he wath on the other thide, tho I couldn't thee very well."

"Oh. But it really can't be, Tuna. I checked that already." It had occurred to John that the perpetrator could be an employee, but no one currently working for Crockercorp fit the description. In fact, no one who had worked for Crockercorp in the last year fit the description. He'd looked.

Tuna huffed. "He _hath_ to. He had a name tag. It wath all written on and I couldn't read it."

John blinked. "Written on?" Their name tags were typed, created on a computer. Unless. "He must have been a new employee. One whose profile was never created in the computer. I bet we--"

He stopped, as a noise attracted his attention. A door swinging shut. The creak of a badly-oiled wheel, approaching. 

"Thanks, Tuna," he said quickly, disentangling himself. "I think I can find it on my own, now. I'll let you know if I need more help."

"Okay," Mituna said contentedly, letting go and wrapping himself around a pillow instead, as John stepped out of the cage. He left the door open. Mituna was in a good mood, tonight. Maybe he'd even venture out, for once.

A short, squat man wobbled towards him, pushing a janitorial cart. John smoothed the wrinkles out of his suit - he hated suits, but it was expected. It was a CEO thing. His Dad had always worn a suit, and now it was his turn.

The man barely seemed to notice him, but John nodded and murmured "good evening" to him, as casually as he could. The man bobbed his head and smiled vacantly, pushing his cart along.

Behind John, the cage door closed, and locked with a click. He sighed, and headed for the elevator. He was pretty sure he could find out who might have been hired in the last couple of weeks and lost their job before their profile made it into the computer. There couldn't be more than a couple people like that.

And the fact that this person was such a short-term employee worried him. He was well aware - though in a distant sort of way - that some people used trolls in a lot of nefarious ways. Slave rings, illegal fighting, that sort of thing. Could someone have gotten themselves a job at Crocker just to obtain an aquatic troll? They were pretty rare, though the violet males were more common than the tyrian females.

It was possible. If so, the troll - and John really wished he had a name for him, but of course no one here had ever talked to him, as he was under water all the time - was in deep trouble.

~ ~ ~

Living with three awkward trolls, each one a new and exciting minefield to traverse, wasn’t exactly easy. Over the next week, Dirk spent half his time in intense discussion with Sollux and Equius about their plans for a robotics startup. The number of things they needed to do was staggering, though Sollux and Equius had obviously laid a lot of the groundwork. Still, with no money, and no location, there was little they could do but talk.

The other half of his time was spent trying to figure out what the fuck to do with no money and no location to start up their business. 

Oh right, and then there was the third he spent in bed with Eridan, cuddling.

It was growing strangely comfortable in a stupidly short period of time. Mines and all.

Even the weird things going on between Sollux and Equius almost seemed normal.

“Equiuth, get me a doughnut,” Sollux lisped. He was laying upside down on the couch, his two longer horns almost touching the ratty carpet, and his feet in one white sock and one black sock, kicking as they hung over the top of the couch.

Equius was sitting on the floor, as he often did. Even so, the tip of his unbroken horn was nearly at the level of Sollux’ knees. He laid down the book he was reading, and got to his feet. “Yes, sir.”

“Yeth, _thir_ ,” Sollux hissed angrily.

Dirk snorted. “That’s what he said.” Maybe Sollux wasn’t listening.

“He didn’t thay it right,” Sollux replied.

Oh.

Equius hesitated, glaring at Sollux through his sunglasses, while Sollux gave him a shit-eating grin. Finally, Equius turned away and sloped into the kitchen to rummage for a doughnut that didn’t have a bite in it, and wasn’t too stale. Dirk felt pretty good that Equius hadn’t repeated himself in response to Sollux’s douchery.

It all sort of put his teeth on edge.

He’d been looking for inexpensive warehouse space, and coming up with nothing in his price range. His price range being that of an intern currently out of work and feeding three hungry trolls in addition to himself. Now he put his laptop aside. “Hey,” he said. “Why do you have to do that?”

Sollux wiggled his right foot. “Do what?”

“Treat him like shit in front of me.” Dirk stared down at the yellowblood, giving him his most impassive - and hopefully intimidating - stare.

Sollux met that gaze, and for a moment, their eyes locked through their respective coloured lenses. But Sollux looked away first. “I don’t really want to. But it workth.”

“Works?”

“I dunno. He gets all… ragey, if I don’t knock him down every couple of hourth. I’m only a yellow-blood, and it pithheth him off in a different way. Thomehow, it keepth him balanthed.”

Dirk took a moment to parse that through the lisp and then rubbed a hand over his chin. “It has to do with his history.”

Sollux nodded, shifting up to sit right-side up. His cheeks were flushed yellow from the blood rushing to his head. “I think he liketh being humiliated. Or…thomething. It’th weird.”

Dirk looked at him sidelong. “But you _don’t_ like it. Humiliating him.”

Sollux shrugged, and somehow the yellow tinge deepened. “It doethn’t do it for me.”

Eridan emerged from the hall, hair artfully tousled, and wearing a colourful variety of clothes in a combination normally reserved for the intensely douchey. Maybe some would use that term for Eridan, but Dirk was a little too fond of him. However, Sollux smirked in a way that told Dirk he had no such reservations. “With _thome_ people, though, it’d be a pleasure,” Sollux added, before raising his voice in a rude comment that had Eridan flaring his fins and hissing.

But Dirk found himself turning his head to look at Equius as the large troll returned, holding a single doughnut on a napkin. There was a wooden expression on his face as he presented his prize to Sollux. 

Dirk had a funny feeling that whatever was going on here, whether or not Sollux felt it was helping, it wasn’t helping as much as Sollux thought.

_How much of a powderkeg are you, Equius?_

~ ~ ~

UNKNOWN USER began pestering turntechGodhead

UU: )(———EY there you!  
UU: Guess w)(at?  
UU: W)(ale we s)(ore are watc)(ing you with your brand new cutie pet troll.  
UU: AND YOU’D BETTA B——EHAV-E YOURSHELLF GOT IT BUST-ER?  
UU: I’d be ofishially afraid if I were you, because we’re glubbing dangerous to bad humans 38D  
TG: what the fuck  
UU: W)(oops, gotta dive off!

UNKNOWN USER ceased pestering turntechGodhead


	11. Chapter 11

turntechGodhead began pestering timaeusTestified

TG: hey bro  
TT: Hey. How’s tricks?  
TG: turning like one of those screaming firework thingies on every street corner in hollywood  
TG: how else  
TT: Cool. So you’re enjoying troll ownership?  
TG: yeah about that  
TT: Hmm?  
TG: nothing  
TG: how about you  
TT: Not much to report. It’s interesting, in the Chinese sense of the term, but not in a bad way. Actually, it’s pretty enjoyable, though it’s highlighting the undeniable fact that we don’t have enough bedrooms.  
TG: looking to exchange our bachelor pad into a family residence  
TG: wow youre totally converted  
TG: youre having a fucking religious conversion right in front of me  
TG: theres just one problem  
TG: how the aitch ee double hockey sticks are you going to pay for a new apartment given how pathetically unemployed you are  
TT: Well now, this is awkward.  
TT: Thing is, I have this really rich sibling.  
TG: suck my dick  
TG: no wait  
TG: before you actually do it and things get really fucking awkward  
TG: yeah okay im transferring enough for a downpayment somewhere not too shitty  
TG: ive been thinking of upgrading to a nicer place anyway  
TT: I hope there’s enough for me to buy a place with an attached machinist shop.  
TG: what  
TT: Gotta go. Eridan’s in his pyjamas and if I don’t get into my bed he’ll start whining that it’s cold. They’ve got little sea horses on them. You can’t possibly imagine how adorable they are.

timaeusTestified is an idle chum!

~ ~ ~

Dirk pushed away from the desk, then paused in the hallway between the two bedrooms to peer into the living room. The room was only lit by the video game on the huge television, but Dirk could see Equius kneeling on the floor, and Sollux playing his game. Dirk couldn’t see where Equius’ head was, exactly, but he could see Sollux’ arm moving. He was playing the video game one handed. Or maybe no-handed - there were sparks glittering around his horns.

The sight made his stomach clench, and he turned around, marching with purpose into his bedroom.

Eridan was sitting on the bed, wearing a pair of pale blue silk pyjamas covered in purple sea horses.

It was freakin’ adorable.

The two of them had only been sleeping in the same bed for a few days, but they already had a routine. Dirk stripped down to his boxers, and Eridan wriggled under the covers. Dirk slipped off his glasses, pulled the covers back and clambered in after him, and Eridan wrapped his arms around tightly.

They were still figuring out the relative positions. Eridan liked to tuck his head under Dirk’s chin, but Eridan was taller - by just a hair - than Dirk, and more importantly, his horns were dangerous. Even swept back the way they were, they were a bit rough and likely to clock Dirk in the jaw if Eridan shifted his head in the wrong way. So Dirk wound up squirming around and tucking his own head under Eridan’s chin instead. They were close enough in height that Dirk’s feet could tuck up under Eridan’s, but it wasn’t bad. 

Actually, it was pretty damn comfortable, though Eridan’s skin was cool to the touch, even a little clammy.

“What do you think of Equius?” Dirk asked suddenly, before he’d had a chance to talk himself out of saying anything.

Eridan huffed, his fins flaring wide and then settling. “He’s a piece a shit landglubber wwho’s got a sick fetish for suckin lowwblood bulge.”

Dirk chuckled softly. “I should have predicted you would say that,” he murmured. “Never mind.”

There was a pause. “No, wwait. Wwhat’s on your mind?” Eridan asked, his voice rising a few notes. “Wwhy don’t you talk to me about wwhatevver it is?”

 _What is this, a counselling session?_ Dirk wondered, feeling his shoulders tense up. The Striders generally had a policy of not talking about their shit - talking about a lot of other things, but not their feelings. Never their feelings. Why should he talk to some troll he broke out of an aquarium at his former job?

Then Eridan did the most remarkable thing. 

A cool, soft hand landed on Dirk’s cheek, and stroked gently, then moved up into his hair. Nails dug lightly through soft, blond locks, and Eridan whispered a ‘shhhhhh’ into his ear. “Relax, Dirk. I ain’t gonna push you.”

“Shit,” Dirk murmured into Eridan’s collar bone. He closed his eyes, his lips quirking self deprecatingly. Why the hell not? It wasn’t as though he was confessing some shameful secret. “Okay, I’m just…wondering if this relationship he and Sollux has seems healthy to you.” He lifted his head slightly, looking at Eridan’s face. “You trolls have a different concept of love than we do, I get that. Is this fucked up or normal to you? Is this kismessisitude?”

“Fuck no,” Eridan said without a moment’s hesitation. “It’s not a kismessisitude. They don’t evven hate each other - and it’s not pity, either, before you ask.”

Dirk frowned. “So what is it?”

Eridan shrugged, eyes flicking away. “Fucked up, that’s wwhat. Equius is on a hair trigger, and Sollux is tryin’ to rein him in. But it’s not goin’ to wwork, I think. He’ll snap, sooner or later. A highblood can’t subjugate himself to a yellowwblood forevver like this, evven if he does like it.”

Dirk settled back onto his side, tucking his head under Eridan’s chin. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Any idea for what we could do?”

The sea dweller wrapped his arms around Dirk. “I guess that’s somethin’ to think about. I’m not really sure. He’s a tickin’ time bomb, and he needs to wwork off some aggression, but maybe wwith somethin’ he actually likes.”

“Too bad we don’t have anyone like that.”

“I guess.”

~ ~ ~

Karkat really enjoyed watching movies. He loved everything about them, from the dialogue to the settings, to the lighting. He loved watching a favourite scene over and over until he could recite every line along with the actors - not that he’d do that where someone could hear. He loved the feelings that rose in his bloodpusher when a perfect pair consummated their feelings with a deep, heartfelt kiss. There was nothing quite like seeing the camera sweep in and the lighting go soft, as two lips met and locked.

Getting punched in the feels never felt so good.

The weeks he’d spent with Dave had given him a lot of opportunities to feed this need, and he relished the freedom of a hundred pre-paid channels, some of which played movies 24/7. It was a chance he had never had with his former masters, where he’d been forced to watch whatever happened to be playing on any screen he came across. But still, when Dave gave him the chance to come with him to watch an actual movie being filmed, he’d thought he’d died and gone to heaven.

But the reality of watching movies in the process of being filmed wasn’t nearly as wonderful as he thought. In fact, it was deadly boring.

Every scene was filmed a dozen times. Then it was filmed from a different angle. Then another. Then the director wanted to tweak something, and they started over again.

By the end of the third day, he was starting to really regret agreeing to come. At least, on some level. On the other hand, he enjoyed the costuming crew. They liked to fuss over him, and he’d liked that in a vague, sheepish way, though he dreaded the day when one of them decided to dress him up. 

He also felt guilty at the prospect of telling Dave he didn’t want to come. He could tell that Dave didn’t enjoy it much more than he did, though at least Dave was kept busy. He was always running around, actually, scribbling on the scripts and arguing with the director over changes he wanted to make. Karkat almost felt sorry for him.

And then that thought made him flush and scowl. The last thing he could ever feel for Dave was _pity_.

Really.

That was just stupid.

He jumped up from the sofa where his shame globes had been parked for the last four hours, and began to wander the set. He was good at staying out of sight and remaining unnoticed, even in a crowd. Though there was a lot going on, he was careful not to get in the way of anyone. Getting in the way was a sure way to get thrown out, and then Dave wouldn’t be able to bring him along anymore. Even if, on some level, that would be a relief, he didn’t want to stop coming for a reason like that.

As he came around a corner, he spotted Dave and relaxed faintly. Dave was standing slouched against a piece of set, arms folded, and his lips pursed in a bored moue. Someone was talking to him, but at first Karkat couldn’t tell who it was.

Then he took another step towards his — what was he? Master? Roommate? Possible unrequited pity crush? All three? — and the man speaking to him came into view. It wasn’t the director, or any of the other writing staff. It definitely wasn’t one of the actors, or anyone that Karkat thought might have the right to be there.

It was a tall, hulking figure Karkat knew only as Hearts.

“Come on, it’ll be the party a’ the century,” Hearts growled. The familiar sound of that voice set Karkat’s teeth on edge and made his bloodpusher start pounding so hard he thought it might come bursting right through his chest. “I know you’ve got an interest in my boss’ merchandise.”

“If I tell you to fuck off, will you actually do it?” Dave muttered, running a hand through his blond hair and then tossing his head in an irritated manner. “I’m not interested in what your ‘boss’ is selling.”

“It’s just a party. Everyone who’s anyone’ll be there. You don’t want to miss rubbin’ shoulders with the greats, do you? It’s death for your career.”

“Fuck my—”

Karkat stepped forward quickly. The taller man’s dark eyes landed on him with a weight that he could feel, but he hurried forward and resisted a terrible urge to grab Dave’s hand. “Dave, uh.” He wasn’t even sure what to say, and for once he was completely tongue-tied. Probably because of the pressure of those eyes.

Dave solved the battle taking place in Karkat’s heart by putting an arm around his shoulders. “Hey buddy. I was just about to throw this guy off the set. Did you need something?”

Karkat saw a card clutched in Hearts’ meaty fingers. It was the size of a postcard, on glossy paper, but he knew it was an invitation. He reached out and snatched it out of Hearts’ hand and held it up. The headline told him all he needed to know.

IT’S TIME FOR THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY

“You should go to this,” he said, turning his head with some difficulty to meet Dave’s eyes.

Dave’s eyebrows were pinched together. Perplexed. “I don’t give a shit about—”

“Let’s just do it,” Karkat said, ignoring the way Hearts smirked with triumph and turned away without another word.

“Why?” Dave asked. “I don’t really care if some Hollywood asswipes think I’m not cool enough for their shitty parties.”

“It’s not about that,” Karkat said, grimacing. “I just…I think we need to be there.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! I've been very busy with original stuff, but I left this fic hanging for far too long. Please forgive me! I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait.

Dave seriously considered not going, even after Karkat practically begged him to attend the party. Then after he’d been shamed into manning up and not backing out, the two of them had a knock down drag out argument over whether Karkat would be allowed to come along, which Dave only lost when Karkat grabbed his leash and tied himself to the doorknob by the wrist. After positioning himself and tying the knots, Karkat glared at Dave for half an hour while Dave pretended to ignore him and tried not to go stark raving mad.

Finally, inevitably, Dave capitulated.

After that came a difficult period of figuring out what they should each wear. Dave had never attended a bloodsports party. Do you wear leather? Clubbing gear? A hockey jersey? Ultimately he decided on clubbing gear, and then discovered that Karkat had put on a black t-shirt and jeans. He thought about changing to match him, wondered if it would be more ironic if he wore his usual red t-shirt and a pair of slacks, decided he was just being nervous and no one would care, then just gave up and left.

They arrived an hour late for the party, but Dave counted that a positive. The later they arrived, the sooner it’d be over.

The party was located at a warehouse out in a crappy part of LA - just one rundown warehouse in a row of rundown warehouses. Not exactly a swanky party. There were a lot of cars in the parking lot, most of them even nicer than Dave’s. 

Karkat sat in the passenger seat, his back straight as a ramrod, his whole body vibrating like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Dave sighed and put a hand on his shoulder, and Karkat jumped like he’d been given an electric shock. 

“Are you really sure you want to be here?”

“Fuck no,” Karkat hissed, cutting a look at Dave.

“ _Why_ are we here?”

“Because you have to see. I just want you to see it.” He paused. “And I think I need to be here, too.”

Dave rubbed a hand over his face. “Are you going to be okay?”

Karkat looked away, towards the doors. “Yeah.”

Well, they were here, now. Dave sighed and hooked the leash onto the back of Karkat’s collar. The very act made his stomach twist, but Karkat didn’t flinch a second time. “Okay, let’s get this shitty night over with,” he said, pouring the leather strap into Karkat’s lap and reaching for the door handle. Karkat grabbed it up and got out of the car, and a moment later they were walking together into a fetid, loud space, echoing with the shouts of an announcer over a megaphone, and the cheers of a large crowd of people.

There were risers set up, crude things made of milk crates and wide boards. People sat and stood on the risers, looking into a central pit, which was surrounded by flimsy clapboard walls. As Dave threaded his way through the crowd, Karkat stuck to him like glue. A few people noticed him, but didn’t seem inclined to do anything. In fact, Dave soon noticed that there were a number of other trolls in the room, most of them sitting despondently at their master’s feet, or watching with interest. Karkat’s hand snuck into Dave’s, but he looked around avidly, as if trying to memorize every face.

Dave reached a spot near the front, elbowing his way in between two strangers, one of them with a length of caution tape wrapped incongruously around his head like a bandana, and the other wearing the uniform of the US Postal Service. Dave scarcely noticed them, his attention caught by the carnage in the centre of the ring.

Two trolls were locked in battle, their horns clamped together as they slashed at each other with their claws. They were both covered in small, bleeding wounds. One of them was bleeding a sort of dark rust red colour, while the other was a shocking brilliant blue. The blue troll had several ugly-looking scars running across her face. Dave wondered for a moment if the rust-blooded troll had gouged it out with one of her huge branching horns, but the wounds looked old. 

Karkat watched avidly, his whole body vibrating against Dave’s side. “Not one of them,” he murmured, eyes wide with horror.

“One of what?” Dave asked, but Karkat ignored him.

The rust troll reared back suddenly and slashed with one of her horns. There was a quick scream, a fountain of blue blood, and the second troll collapsed accompanied by a roar from the crowd. Dave looked away, swallowing hard, and saw a red tear trickle down Karkat’s cheek. Karkat didn’t look away, though. He looked like a lost little boy, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open.

Dave put his arm around him and forced himself to look again, watching as the rust-blood was corralled - hissing and spitting and slashing at her handlers, who put her down with tasers and put chains on her wrists and ankles, and some kind of muzzle on her mouth before dragging her away through a gate into another part of the warehouse.

Money changed hands all around them, and then the next round commenced, announced in a gruff, harsh growl by a short, ferretty man in a fedora who announced himself to be called Jack Black. 

Something like that.

There were a couple more fights over the next hour. None of these ended in a death, much to the frustration of the watching crowd, who cheered and jeered each fighter, and slowly grew more restless as the night drew on. 

Dave shared the restlessness. This was just as brutal as he thought it would be, if not moreso. Sure, he might enjoy a little spar with his brother, and what red-blooded male didn’t get shitfaced and watch UFC every so often. But this was nothing like that. He could see a wildness in the eyes of the trolls. If they knew anything other than pain and fear and violence, he couldn’t see it. Watching this, Dave could understand why people might believe that trolls were nothing but animals. But seeing the pain in Karkat’s face, he knew that wasn’t true at all.

Jack stepped up to the podium again, and raised his megaphone.

“Quiet, ya wiseguys,” he snarled. “You’ve been getting unruly, but now I’ve got a real treat for you. Now you get to watch the champion of last year’s Tricities Tournament. Shipped all the way from Chicago just for this event - put your hands together, for the Green Tiger.”

The crowd obviously knew what the hell that was all about. They went wild, clapping and cheering. Despite himself, Dave felt caught up by the energy. He craned his neck, peering over the wall to see as a slender troll in a green hoodie leaped straight over the wall and crouched in the middle on all fours. Her horns were more pointed than Karkat’s, but fatter, almost like cat ears. She looked around, eyes gleaming green, sniffing the air. 

Dave’s jaw dropped. He’d thought that the trolls he saw before were animalistic, but they looked downright human in comparison to this girl.

The gate opened again, and this time a troll with spiralling horns like a gazelle was literally pushed through. He stared at the Green Tiger with obvious fear, backing away as she began to stalk towards him. 

It wasn’t a fight so much as a cat and mouse game. 

The Green Tiger feinted and slashed and stalked her prey for the next fifteen minutes. The other troll tripped over his own feet with his desperation to get away, but there was nowhere to go. 

In the midst of his horror, Dave couldn’t help but be impressed. She had a focus that he couldn’t believe. While the crowd screamed, she seemed not to hear it, focussed totally on the hunt.

Finally she seemed bored with the game, and lunged forward. Claws flashed, and brown blood fountained, and the unfortunate troll collapsed.

Then the Green Tiger sat down in the middle of the sand at the centre of the pit and began to lick her claws clean of blood. Unlike the previous trolls, she didn’t resist or attack the handlers as they entered the pit to drag away the body and take her back to wherever she’d come from.

The lights rose and the crowd began to disburse, chatting, cursing, or simply walking away. Dave rose to his feet. He was no more clear on why he’d come here than he’d been when Karkat begged him to come in the first place, but all he cared about right now was to get out of here.

But when he started to turn towards the door, Karkat grabbed his arm so tightly that Dave hissed in pain. He turned to the troll. “Chill out, bro. We’re getting out of here.”

“No!” Karkat’s eyes were wide and pleading as he looked up at Dave. “We need to go get her. She’s one of the ones I’ve been looking for.”

~ ~ ~

turntechGodhead began pestering timaeusTestified

TG: you know those guys who force trolls to fight in pits for the entertainment of rich douchebags  
TG: fuck those guys  
TT: Word.  
TT: Do I want to know?  
TG: probably not  
TT: Hang in there, little bro. You’re done in six weeks, right? Your sanity can last that long.  
TT: Anyway, I have an appointment. See you.

timaeusTestified is an idle chum!

TG: stop doing that

~ ~ ~

A somewhat confused real estate agent showed one human and three trolls through several different potential headquarters for their startup robotics company. She watched with bemusement as Dirk discussed each place with Eridan, Equius, and Sollux, treating them as equals, and listening to their input. Dirk didn’t care if she thought he was funny.

What _he_ thought was funny was the way Eridan and Sollux couldn’t agree on anything. If one of them said white, the other had to be black, and they bickered constantly. 

After a couple of hours of walking through warehouses that were too big, and office space that was too small and public, the agent brought them to a small _house_. It had been converted to commercial space and had a reception area where the front foyer had once been. The bedrooms and den were meant to be offices, and the basement was supposed to be for storage, but as Dirk looked around the large open area, he saw places for equipment and work benches. The offices upstairs could be, well, _bedrooms_. And the kitchen was still intact. Best of all, it was in a quiet neighbourhood where no one would really care if there were trolls hanging around in the back yard.

“We’ll take it,” he said, cutting through the argument Eridan and Sollux were having over whether the purple decor was awesome or hideous. 

Equius had been examining a brass statue of two horses rearing, which Dirk rather liked as well. Now, the blueblood looked up, the tiniest of smiles on his face. “We’re going to stay?”

“Yeah,” Dirk said. He glanced at Eridan, who was giving Sollux a superior smirk. Sollux just headed for the basement, sparks jumping between his horns. Dirk was pretty sure that was a sign of excitement, rather than disappointment - he could see the eager expression on his face before he disappeared down the stairs.

It took over an hour to draw up the paperwork and sign everything that needed to be signed. In that time, Sollux and Equius had already marked off the basement with chalk, preparing for the renovations they’d have to do. Eridan had claimed a bedroom and was figuring out where he was going to put the furniture and his small, but growing, collection of library books that Dirk suspected he had no intention of returning.

Why he cared about having a bedroom of his own was beyond Dirk. He never slept apart from him, anyway. But he could have it if he wanted it. They had enough for all three trolls, Dirk, and Dave and his troll when they returned.

When the woman had finally gone, and Dirk had finished making the bank transfer to seal the bargain, he made a couple of calls and headed to the front foyer. “Hey guys,” he called, hoping his voice would carry throughout the house. He wasn’t used to living in such a big place. “I know you’re having fun, but it’s time to get back and start packing.”

“Oooh, that _does_ sound like fun.”

He whirled. A troll girl was standing in the open front door, grinning at him. He’d thought Eridan’s grin looked like a shark’s, but that was before he had met this one. Her fins were flared lazily, and the webbing was pierced with several gold rings. She had short hair, except for two long braids that almost swept the floor.

“Uh, hi,” Dirk said, his eyes flicking around as he felt himself tense automatically. If there was a troll here, shouldn’t there be humans as well? How had she gotten here? Unless she’d walked from one of the houses on the street. “Are you a neighbour?”

She laughed. “Oh shore, that’s what I have to be.” She put her hands on her hips and smirked. “Dirk Strider, did you really think you could swim away with one of our things and that we’d never be able to find you?”

“What?” Dirk gasped, stunned enough by the use of his name by this stranger that he was momentarily at a loss for words. “What did you say?”

She leaned forward, grinning wide. “The shark’s approaching. You can probably see the fin cuttin the water, now. Better paddle faster.” And with a laugh, she turned and raced down the front steps, the front door slamming hard in her wake.

Dirk cursed and chased after her, throwing the door open wide. He caught a glimpse of a black sedan, gleaming in the sunlight, as it pulled away in a squeal of tires. Was that troll _driving_? He couldn’t quite see before the car pulled around the corner and disappeared.

As he turned, he saw Eridan standing worriedly in the doorway, his fins flat against his face. “Wwere you talking to someone?” he asked.

Dirk bit his lip. “Your imagination,” he said, and stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “Come on. We’ve got boxes to fill.”


	13. Chapter 13

“We need to go get her. She’s one of the ones I’ve been looking for.” Karkat’s eyes were huge and desperate, and Dave couldn’t have resisted it if he’d tried. He wanted to know what this was all about, but it wasn’t the time. If Karkat needed to talk to this feral troll, then Dave could find a way to make it happen.

The crowd was breaking up, streaming towards the door, but that wasn’t the only source of activity in the big warehouse. Beyond the makeshift fighting pit, a number of dividers had been erected, cutting off half of the warehouse from view. That was where they had to go.

“Come on,” Dave said, and grabbed Karkat’s hand, forgetting about his leash. He led Karkat to a gap in the divider where people were passing in and out, carrying equipment as they began breaking down the set.

The guy who’d invited him hulked nearby, scrutinizing each person who passed in and out. “Hey,” Dave said, pushing up his glasses and fixing Hearts with a cool look. “Thanks for the invite. Any way I could take a look around?”

Hearts smirked and loomed over him. His teeth were remarkably sharp for a human. “Thought you weren’t interested in the fuckin’ merch.”

“I decided my boy here needs a girlfriend,” Dave replied without missing a beat, and jerked a thumb at Karkat. Karkat was huddled against his side, his teeth bared and his nose wrinkled. He wondered what thoughts were going through the troll’s head, but couldn’t stop to soothe him right now.

“These ones are fierce, dumbass,” Hearts said, brow furrowing. “You gonna try taking it home, and it’ll probably rip out your throat.”

“My risk to run,” Dave said, though his blood ran cold. He had seen their ferocity first-hand. Was he crazy to indulge Karkat this way?

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to look. Hearts looked him up and down, then shrugged. “Gotta call the boss,” he said, and pulled a walkie-talkie off his hip with his huge paw of a hand.

“Thanks,” Dave said, and slipped through the gap.

“Hey!”

He looked around quickly. All around him was a confusion of people moving around, and cages containing trolls. Though most of them had been incredibly fierce in battle, now they mostly huddled in the cages quietly.

“This way,” Karkat said, and tugged Dave to the right. Dave glanced back and saw Hearts had apparently decided to abandon his post, though it had clearly been a difficult decision. He was well behind them, and soon lost them in the confusion as Karkat pulled Dave around a corner and between two large cages, then past a pile of lumber and crates.

They soon reached a large cage, and Dave recognized the short-horned female troll. She lay in the middle of the cage, her eyes closed, apparently oblivious to the activity around her. 

“Hey,” Karkat hissed, pressing himself close to the bars. “Hey! I’m here to rescue you.”

“Uh.” Dave said, then shut himself up when Karkat shot him a look. He’d known this was what Karkat had in mind when he’d agreed to come back here. He couldn’t exactly complain now. Anyway, she looked pretty calm and peaceful right now, almost like she hadn’t just ripped a troll’s throat out with her bare hands.

Karkat was having a bit of difficulty, though. “ _Hey_!” Karkat said, his voice rising to the point where Dave started to worry that someone might hear him even over the hubbub. “Hello? I’m talking to you!”

She didn’t so much as twitch.

“Maybe she’s asleep,” Dave said, frowning.

Karkat spread his hands, looking around. Something must have gone wrong, because there was an ear-ringing crash and a lot of swearing coming from another part of the warehouse. “In this?”

Dave could only think of one thing to do. He felt around in his pocket and came up with a quarter. Before Karkat could object or he could think better of it, he flicked the coin into the cage. It struck the floor with a ringing sound, then bounced straight into the girl’s nose.

She started and opened her eyes, sitting up with a wild expression, and lunged straight at Karkat with claws out.

Dave swore and reached for Karkat, intending to yank him out of the way - the cage bars were thick but the gaps were large enough to allow her to reach him the way he was pressed so close. Karkat even had his arm through the bars, reaching for her. But Karkat kicked out and stopped Dave with a heel to the knee. Dave went down, cursing, and the girl reached her mark with a snarl.

Karkat intercepted her with a pap to the cheek. 

She stopped dead, claws at Karkat’s throat, her eyes wide. The two trolls stared at one another wordlessly, the girl frozen, while Karkat gently stroked her cheek. “It’s okay,” he said. “Sorry we woke you up.”

Dave saw enough of this through the red haze of pain in his knee. Her eyes were fixed intently on Karkat’s face - specifically on her mouth, and as another crash rang out through the warehouse, he realized something amazing. “Hey, I think she’s deaf.”

“Duh,” Karkat said in a measured tone. He flicked his eyes over to Dave, concerned, but apparently Dave didn’t look like he was in too much pain, so he returned his look to the girl. “I’m Karkat. What’s your name?”

“Meulin,” she said, and Dave winced. Her voice had no volume control. She nearly shouted the word at the top of her lungs. But of course, if she was deaf, she probably couldn’t tell.

“If you don’t want to fight anymore, Meulin, you can come with me,” Karkat said. “This guy’s pretty decent. Do you want to come?”

Meulin’s green eyes searched Dave from head to toe, then returned to Karkat. Her claws relaxed and she lowered her hand. “Okay.”

Dave didn’t have to be asked, and he already knew they were in a rush. It was time to get the fuck out of here, before someone figured out where they were and what they were doing. He stepped over to the door of the cage and inspected the lock. A few moments with a pen knife and the lock-breaking techniques he’d practiced in his misspent youth, and the door swung open. 

“All right, kiddies,” he said, spotting Hearts and a couple of goons coming up the aisle towards them. “Time to blow this popsicle stand.”

“Oooooh! This is so great!” Meulin squealed.

“We’ve got to run.” Karkat yelled. 

They ran.

~ ~ ~

timaeusTestified began pestering turntechGodhead

TT: Tell me when you’re there.  
TT: I don’t want to be alarmist, but I’m somewhat alarmed.  
TG: just got in its been a fuckoff kinda day  
TG: dont ask because ill get going and then i wont be able to hold your hand while you pour your heart out  
TG: im here for you for realsies  
TG: whats up bro  
TT: First of all, the good news. We’ve located an appropriate new pad for all of us eligible bachelors. I think you’ll like it. There’s a backyard and everything.  
TG: oh great the horses will be able to run free i cant wait to see it  
TT: Neigh.  
TG: so wheres the part where youre alarmed because im not hearing alarmed so far  
TT: That’s the bad news.  
TT: When I was looking at the house, a troll showed up. She seemed like she was from Crocker corp, and she basically threatened me.  
TT: Either someone’s pulling an elaborate prank, or they’re onto me, and they know where I’m moving to.  
TG: shit  
TG: but wait hang on if the crockers know you trespassed and broke their shit and trollnapped one of their trolls why wouldnt they just call the cops or make you give him back some other way  
TT: Hence my concern.  
TT: I’d have almost preferred to be handcuffed and read my rights. Then at least I’d know where I stood.

timaeusTestified became an idle chum!

TG: wait what happened now  
TG: shit shes screaming again gotta go

turntechGodhead became an idle chum!

“Wwhat do you mean, the Crockers showwed up?” 

Dirk quickly minimized the window, but obviously the damage had already been done. He turned his chair around to see Eridan standing in the doorway of ‘his’ bedroom, wearing his seahorse pyjamas and a towel around his shoulders, his hair damp and hanging into his eyes. Dirk cursed inwardly. He hadn’t shut the door entirely. He didn’t like not being able to hear what was going on, with so many trolls in the apartment. But that meant that when Eridan came out of the shower and came back to the bedroom he’d claimed for his own - and never slept in - Dirk hadn’t heard the door open.

Eridan’s eyes were wide. A corner of his towel snuck into his mouth and he began to chew on it fiercely. 

“The Crockers didn’t show up,” Dirk said, trying not to be distracted by how cute Eridan was, not to mention the damage being done to his towel by Eridan’s shark teeth. He got up from the chair and moved closer, then gently pried Eridan’s hands free. Eridan let the towel fall out of his mouth, but clung to Dirk’s hands with both of his.

“Wwhat happened, then?”

Dirk let out a breath. “A troll came to the house while we were looking at it. She was alone, and _said_ something about the Crockers.”

Eridan chewed his lower lip so hard Dirk feared he’d draw blood. But he wasn’t about to stick his hand in that maw to stop him, so he just held tightly to Eridan’s hands and tried vaguely to _will_ him to calm down. “Wwho wwas she? Wwhat did she look like?”

“She didn’t give me a name.” Dirk considered for a moment. “She had fins, like yours. Skinny and short, and looked like a punk. She had piercings and two long braids.”

Eridan’s fins flattened down so hard they almost disappeared into the messy mop of his hair. “I knoww her. I _knoww_ she is from there. Are they coming to take me back, Dirk? Are they!?”

His voice was rising, higher and higher, and Dirk acted on instinct. He freed a hand and wrapped his arm around Eridan’s waist, pulling him into a hug. Eridan stiffened for a few moments, as if he’d never experienced this strange form of human interaction before.

Dirk could relate. He held on, stiff and uncertain, and tried to decide what would more awkward - letting go now and apologizing, or hanging on until it worked.

Then Eridan melted and clung to him, burying his face against Dirk’s neck and shivering.

“I won’t let them take you back,” Dirk said solemnly.

Eridan gave a little gulp in his throat, and nodded. “Okay…”


End file.
